personal · Thoughts · traveling

First Day of 2019 – Thoughts

I’ll be honest. First day of 2019 and I haven’t ever felt more lost. It’s how it goes though isn’t it? In your twenties you’re a bit lost and then you find yourself? I have always known what I wanted to do next, where I want to go next, why I am where I am and doing what I am doing, but now – I have no idea.

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Photo: Mila Ritz

I am thankful and grateful that I got to share my story last year, and be some kind of support for anyone struggling with Selective Mutism. That I had my first talk about it and that my Mom and I finally got to experience the support from others ourselves, even though I don’t have it anymore it was such an emotional experience. This is my most cherished moment from last year. I will keep working even harder this year!

I moved to Oslo with Dan. Somewhere I never thought I would have enjoyed, but turns out – I did have some amazing months. I also finally got to live closer to my best friend, and even though it didn’t last for long I really appreciated being able to have her so close. I also made some amazing friendships – we didn’t get too much time, but the time we had gave us something to keep for years on and for that I am thankful. I loved being able to be closer to my mom, just a quick flight away and I was home, back to the safest place I know, right next to her ❤ I was also closer to the rest of my family – my brother, dad, aunts, cousins, and my little niece… I went through some tough times and lost my Grandpa, and to be honest it’s still very heartbreaking to think about. If my Oslo time taught my anything it’s that my family means everything to me. We don’t have all the time in the world and I just want to spend the time I’m given with them around me. Everyone’s getting older and I just don’t feel like being so far away all the time. So you could probably ask what the hell I’m doing on the other side of the world? I couldn’t even tell you, but I think my restlessness just had to get me here. And that’s probably the biggest reason for why I’m feeling so lost right now. What am I doing so far away? It’s not like I haven’t done it before, it just feels different this time.

I also tried Miss Norway, which I am thankful for because I figured out I really had something to share – my story with SM meant something so much bigger than I ever thought, but it also just made me experience once again how messed up this world is. Old men convincing girls to pay and give them money to be in a pageant that claims to “be more than just about beauty” because you have to have a “case” to fight for – yet if you got them any money the attention was there, but if you made a difference and worked for something bigger it was ignored. I got to the finale and I decided enough was enough. I wrote a blog post about everything I had experienced, and I do really hope other girls read it and learned something from it.

I also started spending more time in the gym with weights and only grew more and more passionate about it. My body has changed – no doubt about it, but so has my mind, and I’m happier than ever just being me.

Dan and I reached our goal this year as well, or should I say goals. We moved to Oslo, worked hard and saved up money so we could go to Australia. I finally got to see Caitlin again, and like we did in London we got the chance to live together again. This time in the cutest apartment. And now we’re here.

It’s nice here, the scenery is beautiful and the weather is amazing. I even love the thunderstorms.

In terms of work I want to be more creative, but the industry seems a lot different over here. Like always I do have some sort of plan for what I am doing and I am very passionate about it, and to be honest right here in Sydney could be a good place to start.

I just don’t know what it is. I struggle to feel like I should be here, that this is the place for me right now. Then again Australia is big and other places might feel different, and I haven’t seen everything even here in Sydney – I just wish the weird feeling would go away.

I’m young and I’ll figure it out. I’m lucky I’m not here completely alone and I got good people around me – which I am so grateful for.

Just because people are traveling and being somewhere completely different than you, sharing photos and experiencing something else – I really don’t want you to think it’s all perfect! It’s tough, and this time it’s much more tougher than I thought it would be – but nothing is wrong with that. Maybe it isn’t for me, maybe I will end up loving it and things will change, but whatever I figure out I just know I’ll have to listen to my true feelings. I’m still staying here for now, and for the rest of 2019 – let’s see what happens. I am incredible grateful to get another year on this earth. I’ll do my best this year – let’s get to work ❤

 

 

personal · Thoughts · traveling

Positive And Negative Sides To A Long Distance Relationship

Some of you are probably thinking “What, positive? How can there be any positive sides to it?”

So let’s start with the negative things, which I think some of you might have experienced.

  • You can’t be close! It’s starting to get so annoying only looking at Dan but not being able to cuddle or just touch his hair… Lol. He’s like right in front of me on facetime, but still so far away.
  • You can’t do those everyday things together. Like making breakfast, working out, watching series before bed, and just being weird together. That’s a thing I really, really miss 😦
  • Missing out on memories and experiences together. Especially now that I’m in a new place and I know how much he would love it. I experience new things all the time and there’s so many cool things we could do here together. I can tell him about it, but it obviously won’t be the same because it’s not like actually being here.
  • Fear, worry and insecurity. I know this is a big problem in a lot of long distance relationship. “Where is she?” “What is he doing?” It’s so important to communicate with each other and not just sit on the other side of the world overthinking and questioning, instead of talking and bringing up any fears, worries or insecurities. Dan and I talk everyday and even though it is a challenge being so far away from each other, we both do our best to make it as easy as possibly on the other part.
  • Missing anniversaries, birthdays, celebrations… That’s moments where you really want to have your gf or bf next to you and be able to share it with them. So far we weren’t together for our 1 year anniversary and we’re most likely not going to be together for my birthday either (even though I hope so I have to believe it!!)

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❤ Here’s the positive sides to it:

  • You get to find out how strong you are. How powerful the relationship is. If you really love someone you should be able to still be in a relationship even though you’re timezones away. If there is an important reason for the person being away, and the other part not being able to come – we should still make it work and not be selfish about wanting the person to be close all the time when it affects important aspects in their life.
  • You get to miss each other. I never intended to literally start living with Dan so quickly, and not to forget the first months we were staying in his room. And that is a TEST. Living in a room with someone is a lot because you’re in each others space all the time (I need alone time to function properly). I still think everyone needs to breathe and be okay on their own, obviously still in the relationship, but remembering they are their own person. I can be by myself, and do things without him – as he can do as well – and feel even more so how we value each other and care for each other. I think it’s important to be confident in each other and encourage one another to focus on their own things as well.
  • It’s so nice when you see each other again! I can’t wait to see him, and it’s gonna be soooo nice! I think it’s so weird that from the moment I met Dan the longest I have been away from him has literally been two weeks? Like from the moment I saw his face for the first time. That’s crazy to me, lol. Didn’t think I would wanna spend that much time with someone I’m in a relationship with, but there he was.

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Thoughts · traveling · video

I Was Almost Put On A Plane Back Home

Local time LA: 11:05 am

The absolute craziest thing happened and I literally had the worst and best luck in the world at the same time. I was even told that I most likely would be put on a plane back home and never be able to return to America…

I have vlogged my whole journey as you can see in some of the screenshots above, and I will tell you more of the story then. 

As of right now I just had breakfast at a place in Hollywood boulevard, and can’t wait to go out in the sunshine and experience a lot more. Also I can’t wait to tell you guys about how I’m finding it and take cool pics! Just need to settle in a little bit first ❤

Snapshot · Thoughts

Me Just Being Me

So we had a quick little shoot today, and I finished the last part of my workout video for you guys. In between photos there’s always some that doesn’t turn out great or just of me being silly. So here’s some of that while I edit the others!

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Other than that I don’t have that much to say. A terrible thing has happened in Las Vegas and I’ve been reading and updating all day. At the same time I’m stuck thinking about all those other people in war or other areas of the world, where fighting for their lives is all they know and everyday there is so many losing their lives – and there’s so many tragedies that never really affect you because you don’t read about it or you’re just not aware… So I wanna say my thoughts go out to everyone fighting, everyone that has lost someone they love and been affected, and everyone that feels like they have been left out and is all alone. The world is beautiful, but people can be so cruel. I will never understand.