Thoughts

Two Kids In Love

6

two kids

different lives

different worlds

2

trying to figure out life

life and love

no

we already know love

3

do you know it takes work?

do you want to love and be loved?

do you know it means not giving up?

do you know it means loving yourself?

1

go your own path

choose the real love

the unconditional love

the self-love

the love that makes you not just fight for someone else

but yourself as well

 

life is unpredictable but I get to wake up next to someone 

I love.

 

Photos: Vilde Bråten @wildust.photo

mental health · Photographs · selective mutism

Is There Anything You Want To Know?

So after speaking and contacting different people around the world I have figured out the best way to reach a lot of people and spread more knowledge about SM for right now is to make a YouTube video.

I am really doing my best to be able to have talks about it and see people face to face because I think the affect is bigger, just from my own experience. I really want to be able to visit schools and talk with people working with kids, because that’s where the knowledge so desperately needs to be in order to help… But a great way to start is social media. And I also want to be able to inspire others that are struggling right now, and I know I could reach them with videos.

So with that, I want to know if there is anything you want to have answered? Any questions you have? My first video will mostly be about my own story and how it feels like growing up with selective mutism and not getting the help I should have gotten from the system and school… Write any questions in the comments, and I will answer them in either this video or the next one!

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Photo: @susiphotographer

Gjerne skriv ned spørsmål på norsk også, jeg tar de selvfølgelig med!

personal · selective mutism · SM

It was never a choice

It was never a choice. What kid would choose to not speak up, not get to know new people, hearing adults and kids talk about you – but say nothing yourself?

Selective Mutism is an anxiety disorder and it used to be my entire life. There needs to be more knowledge, more support and more help.

My mom and I fought through it, all alone. Teachers needs to be aware of what’s going on right in front on them. No kid deserves to feel like the weight of the world is on their shoulders, and they have to carry it all alone. Not even professionals being able to help, or understand.

If you told me as a little girl that one day I would stand up and confidently share my story and be an inspiration to others – little Marte with anxiety would have never believed you. The loud, stubborn and ambitious Marte I was as home would have just told you “I can do anything.”

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Processed with VSCO with b1 preset

Processed with VSCO with b1 preset

 

personal · Photographs

Self – Love

I want to talk about self-love. About loving yourself. Loving yourself when you’re all alone. Loving yourself without makeup. Loving yourself because you’re unique and you’re you.

We all have insecurities, and when having the type of anxiety I used to have – it was more centered around other people. It is so frustrating being inside your head – and having confidence and self-love, but the second you get out in situations where you feel unsafe, all of that disappears. It used to take a second and I felt like I was robbed of everything I had when I was by myself.

So what happened? How did I push myself enough to have the same feelings about myself no matter who I’m surrounded by? How did I go from being the quiet one who only wanted to be invisible, to someone who loves herself and respect herself?

By being surrounded by my mom growing up I learned to love myself from an early age. I knew my worth and I knew I always had the right to my own opinions. I learned that my voice and dreams was just as important as anyone elses. This could unfortunately never have “saved” me from my anxiety disorder. I had to go through it, but I always had what my mom taught me in the back of my mind.

When I managed to fight the anxiety I was struggling with, and realised what I actually could do – everything changed. I took my confidence outside of home, I started speaking up and I wanted people to hear me. I’m always thinking – you only have this one life, why would you ever waste it by worrying about what other people would say or mean or think about you?! Every single one of us is going to be gone one day, and how will they opinions about you matter then, or ever? Why should it stop you from doing or saying what you want? You need to live your life to the fullest, and it always starts with loving yourself – before anything.

I know there’s so many struggling with this every day – so I wanted to write down some things you might find helpful ❤

* Write down the things you like about yourself. You can even ask your closest what they appreciate and love about you.

* Always remember you only have this one life to share your opinions, stand up for yourself and make a change.

* If someone doesn’t like you? Know that they have their own problems and there’s always a reason for something – they are probably struggling with themselves and it really is sad how that’s the only way they can make themselves feel better. Know it’s not worth any of your attention. Focus on you and your life. They are the ones wasting time.

* You are UNIQUE and no one is like you!

* Find a hobby. Maybe you’re wondering how this will help with self-love? If you spend day by day looking at people and what they are doing with their lives – you won’t feel good about yourself. Pursue something! Do something for yourself, and get good at it – or even just improve. You are capable of so many great things. Do it for yourself and no one else.

* STOP COMPARING YOURSELF! I know people do this every single day. Why do you want to look like someone else?! You are so special. There’s so many inspiring people out there and I get inspired every day, but I would never wanna be them. The world already has one of him or her – I wanna be me because no one else has that. You should own it – it’s so amazing.

Be good, do good – and love yourself.

personal

Jeg trekker meg fra Miss Norway 2018!

Scroll down for english.

Jeg trekker meg fra Miss Norway 2018!

Etter mye fram og tilbake i løpet av en lengre periode, har jeg nå som finalist bestemt meg for å trekke meg fra konkurransen.

Jeg er til tross for det glad for at jeg har valgt å fortsette så lenge jeg gjorde – jeg fikk opp øynene for noe jeg virkelig vil dedikere min tid til, og jeg fant ut hvor mye jeg kan hjelpe og støtte andre på grunn av noe jeg selv har gått i gjennom. Til tross for det er det fortsatt veldig klart at det har skjedd på grunn av viljen min og saken min helt alene, og ikke på grunn av konkurransen jeg har deltatt i. Noe jeg forstår. Det er saken min som betyr noe. Og jeg kan gjøre så utrolig mye, bare ved å være meg og jobbe hardt. 

Hvorfor har det vært så mye fram og tilbake, og hvorfor har jeg kommet fram til dette valget?

Jeg har selv hørt en del om konkurransen tidligere, men ettersom det gang på gang blir sagt at skjønnhetskonkurranser er mer enn “utseende” og “kroppspress”, så tenkte jeg – greit. Hvis jeg gjør dette gjør jeg det fullt og helt for å fremme en viktig sak og vise hva jeg står for. Hvordan kommer jeg til å oppleve det da, kommer det til å føles riktig, at det er det som er viktigst i konkurransen? Jeg har vært objektiv – hørt på flere med forskjellige meninger, tenkt på magefølelsen, og helt ærlig prøvd mitt beste på å forstå hva organisasjonen virkelig står for. Etter å ha fått opplevd dette helt og holdent for meg selv velger jeg nå å trekke meg og en av grunnene til det er at – ja, det handler om mer enn utseende og det overfladiske – penger.

Vi blir dømt og får poeng for sponsorer som gir oss (og konkurransen) penger, vi må betale penger når det kommer nærmere finalene bare for å være deltakere, andre mennesker må bruke av sine penger for å stemme på oss. Vi får også poeng for presse så lenge det blir nevnt at man er deltager i Miss Norway 2018. Så det spiller ingen rolle så lenge det blir sagt? Når man kan nå ut til så mange med presse, hvorfor skal det ikke heller være viktigere å fremme en sak som faktisk kan hjelpe andre? Man får også poeng for veldedighet – som vil si at man kan ta bilde av seg selv hvor man går med børse eller hjelper fattige for eksempel. Og det er selvfølgelig en veldig fin og viktig ting å gjøre. Men hva med de som velger å hjelpe på andre måter, noe som ikke er sett på som veldedighet? Jeg velger å hjelpe, støtte og spre kunnskap til fattige, rike, unge, voksne, samfunnet – de som blir oversett – et så utrolig stort problem verden over. Mental helse, selektiv mutisme. Det gir ingen poeng i en slik konkurranse, med mindre jeg kommer i media og det står at jeg er deltager i Miss Norway. Skjønner dere?  Hvor er fokuset på å hjelpe andre uten å “vise seg frem”? 

Det som fikk meg til å fortsette var at jeg har fått til så mye med selektiv mutisme. Men da må jeg ta noen steg tilbake å tenke på hva som egentlig har skjedd. Jeg har ikke fått det til på grunn av konkurransen. Jeg har fått det til fordi jeg har jobbet hardt helt alene, delt min historie, kontaktet presse og rett og slett bare stått på. Og det er noe jeg kommer til å forsette med! Jeg har ikke fått til det jeg har fordi jeg er med i Miss Norway og det ser jeg selvfølgelig veldig klart, og jeg føler ikke organisasjonen er noe jeg vil støtte lengre. Det er ikke det jeg står for.

Jeg har opplevd at det handler veldig mye om å rose individuelle jenter opp i himmelen hvis de klarer å få inn penger til konkurransen, men klarer man å hjelpe familier og gjøre en forskjell i det hverdagslige livet til andre mennesker uten å få penger er det ikke av lik betydning. Det er mange kommentarer som jeg personlig mener blir slengt ut med en negativ betydning av mennesker som kjenner på “makt” fordi de kan bestemme over konkurransen og kanskje jentene også på et nivå – og de som kjenner meg vet hvor sterkt jeg er i mot at noen bruker sin autoritet på en slik måte. 

I tillegg har jeg mye erfaring som modell, og det er noe jeg fortsetter med, men etter flere år med erfaring er det så viktig for meg å være fri i det jeg gjør, både kreativt og som jobb. Spesielt det å representere noe profesjonelt som jeg kan stå for. Gjør jeg modelljobber må det avklares og eventuell “lønn” må deles med Miss Norway, rett og slett fordi jeg er med i konkurransen. Når det er noe jeg har jobbet meg opp til helt selv fra ingenting, og gjør år etter år som en jobb, synes jeg det blir helt feil å skulle gi bort både avtaler og verdi til en konkurranse jeg er deltager i. Det har hatt en så stor betydning for livet mitt og den personen jeg er i dag – og det er ikke noe jeg bare kan overgi til en konkurranse i Norge.

Jeg må også passe på hvilke photoshoots jeg kan gjøre slik at det er “passende” for konkurransen. Nei, det er ikke meg. Det har også blitt skrevet i hensyn til konkurransen at modeller er “sure”, og skjønnhetsutøvere er “blide”. Når man er en del av den profesjonelle bransjen og har opplevd litt av hvert handler det selvfølgelig mer om kreativitet, kunst, følelser og inspirasjon. Det er så mye mer. Jeg har så mye mer jeg vil dele med dere. Jeg kan ikke takke nei til andre muligheter, jobber, samarbeid osv som kan ha så stor betydning for meg. Jeg føler det er så mye større enn en konkurranse der alt må godkjennes, og jeg må sette så masse på hold, og i tillegg har jeg allerede tatt avstand fra modellbyrå som skal være en del av så mye i livet mitt, så hvorfor skal jeg fortsette å være del av en konkurranse som tar enda mer – og hvorfor skal jeg være med i en finale når jeg ikke vil vinne?  Jeg vil ikke måtte gjøre dette i et år til – det er så utrolig mye mer jeg skal gjøre.

Jeg vil heller ikke ta muligheten fra de andre jentene, de som føler at dette er noe de vil stå for og jobbe hardt for. De er noen utrolig flotte og fine jenter, og husk at dette er selvfølgelig hvordan jeg ser det. Jeg ønsker dere all lykke i alt dere velger å gjøre ❤

Jeg har også møtt andre som har deltatt i konkurransen tidligere, og de er også flotte, sterke jenter.

Jeg synes alltid at man skal følge magefølelsen sin. Fra starten og hele veien hit som finalist har det aldri føltes helt riktig, jeg har følt at noe ikke stemmer – det er noe jeg ikke kan stå for.

Personlig vil jeg tro at det er en grunn til at konkurransen har det ryktet det har. Fra begynnelsen da jeg ble introdusert var det noen sterke bemerkninger som ble gjort om tidligere deltakere på en videokonferanse, med både bilder av personer, og diverse kommentarer som jeg fortsatt tenker på. Kanskje det blir meg nå også? Jeg overlever.

Jeg står for sterke jenter som står opp for seg selv og bruker sine muligheter så godt de kan til å hjelpe andre. Det gjør jeg nå. Det føler jeg ikke at konkurransen gjør. Jeg hadde et håp om at det viktigste var å kjempe for noe med en større betydning. 

Tusen hjertelig takk til alle som har støttet meg. Som har skrevet mail, hørt og delt min historie og min hjertesak. Jeg skal selvfølgelig fortsette med kampen min – selektiv mutisme og mental helse. Jeg skal forsette å spre kunnskap i presse og til skoler slik som jeg har gjort. Jeg skal også holde foredrag. Jeg er så stolt av alt jeg har fått til. Jeg er så glad og takknemlig for at dere – venner, familie, ukjente, kjente, alltid har sett viktigheten i det jeg gjør. Takk. 

Og selfølgelig – nå skal dere få se enda mer av photoshoots, jobber, videoer, mer av det jeg vil vise dere og jeg skal være enda mer kreativ. Det er så mye som kommer! 

Jeg er så glad og føler meg så fri etter at jeg nå har dette valget. Jeg må fokusere på viktige og større ting nå. Nå vet jeg hva som er riktig og jeg tviler ikke et sekund.

Jeg håper dere alltid kan regne med at jeg står opp for meningene mine og sier ifra når jeg føler noe ikke er helt riktig.

Let’s gooooo!

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I have made the choice to leave the competition – Miss Norway 2018!

After a lot of thinking and not being completely sure throughout a longer period, I have now as a finalist chosen to leave the competition.

I am still happy that I chose to continue for as long as I did – my eyes opened to something I really want to dedicate my time to, and I realised how much I can help and support others because of something I went through myself. It’s still very clear to me that it’s happened because of my will and hard work alone, and not because of the competition I have participated in. Something I understand. It’s my case that matters. And I can do so much, just by being me and working hard.

Why have I felt so unsure about being in the competition, and why did I eventually make this decision?

I myself had heard about this competition previously, but after hearing time and time again that beauty pageants are more than “looks” and “pressure to be perfect” I thought – fine. If I’ll do this for one reason only – to fully promote an important case, what will it be like? Will it feel like that actually is the most important thing in the competition? I have been objective – listened to different opinions, thought about my gut feeling, and honestly tried my best to see what the competition really stands for. After getting to experience this completely for myself, one of the reasons for my choice is because – yes, the competitions is about more than just beauty and perfection – money.

We’re getting judged and getting points for sponsors that gives us (and the competition) money, we’ll have to pay a fee when it’s getting closer to the finale just to get through it, other people will have to use from their money just to vote for us. We get points for media as long as it’s mentioned that we’re a contestant in Miss Norway 2018. So it doesn’t matter what else is said? When you have the opportunity to reach out to so many people with media, why shouldn’t it be more important to promote a good cause that actually can help others? You also get points for charity – meaning you can take a photo of yourself while walking collecting money or helping someone poor. And yes that is important and a good thing to do. But what about when you choose to help in other ways, some way that’s not seen as charity? I choose to support, help and spread knowledge to poor, rich, young, adults, the whole society – the ones getting ignored – a huge problem in the whole world. Mental health, selective mutism. It does not give any points in a competition like this, unless I go to media and it says I’m in Miss Norway 2018. Where’s the focus to help others without showing off?

What made me continue was how far I got and everything I accomplished regarding selective mutism. But then again I’m forced to take a few steps back and look at what’s actually happened. I haven’t made it happen because of the competition. I have achieved everything because I have worked hard by myself, shared my personal story, contacted media about my case and just generally really worked hard. And that is something I will continue doing! I dont feel like the competition is something I want to support anymore. It’s not what I stand for.

I have experienced that it’s very much about applauding individual girls if they can get in money for the competition, but if you can help families and make a difference in someones everyday life without getting money for it – it’s not of the same value. There’s a lot of comments that I personally feel is being said and written with a negative meaning by certain people who feel empowered by their position in the Miss N. organisation and possibly feeling they can decide over the girls on a certain level – and anyone who knows me know how strongly I’m against people mistreating and misbehaving because of their “authority”. 

On top of that my continuous experience as a model plays a part in this. After a lot of years of experience in the industry it’s so important feeling free in what I do, both creatively and as work. Especially representing something professionally that I can stand for. If I do modeling jobs it will have to be “clarified” with Miss N. and possible salary has to be shared, just because I’m a contestant. When it’s something I have worked and established from nothing, by myself, after years of hard work, it’s not right for me to give everything away to someone else – including values and work. It’s had such a tremendous meaning for my life and who I am today as a person – and it’s not something I will just let go of like that.

I also need to think of the photoshoot I do so it’s “appropriate” for the competition. That’s not me. It’s also been written in light of the competition that models are “angry” and beauty contestants are “happy”. When you are part of the professional business and have experienced a lot of different things it’s very clear that modeling is about creativity, art, feelings and inspiration. It’s so much more. I also have so much more I want to share with you guys. I can’t say no to other opportunities, jobs, collabs and so on – that can have a much bigger meaning to me. I feel like it’s so much bigger than a competition where everything needs to be “accepted”, and I need to pause so much. On top of that I have already distanced myself from modeling agencies that takes big parts of girls lives, so why would I continue this competition when it takes even more from me – why should I be in a finale when I don’t want to win? I wouldn’t choose to do this for another year – I want to do so much more.

I also don’t want to take the opportunity away from the other girls, the ones who feels like this is something they can stand for and work hard for. They are amazing girls, and remember that this is how I personally see it. We have all lived different lives, are different people – and with that comes different opinions and thoughts about certain things and experiences. I wish you all the best of luck with everything you choose to do ❤

I have also met others who previously participated in this competition, and they are also amazing, strong girls.

I always think you should listen to your gut. From the beginning and all the way up to me being a finalist it’s has never felt completely right for me – it’s something I don’t want to support and stand for.

Personally I do think there’s a reason why the competition has the rumour it does here in Norway. From the beginning when I was introduced there were some strong remarks being said towards previous contestant through a video conference, with both pictures of the person, and comments I still think about. Maybe that will be me now? I’ll survive.

I believe in strong girls standing up for themselves and using their opportunities to their best effort in making changes and helping others. That’s what I am doing now. I don’t feel like the competition does that. I had a tiny hope that Miss Norway was about something more important. Something bigger.

Thank you so much to everyone for your support. Everyone that has written emails, listened to and shared my story and my case. I will of course continue my fight – selective mutism and mental health. I will continue spreading knowledge in media and to schools like I have done. I will also be having talks about it. I’m so proud of everything I have achieved. I’m so grateful for you guys – friends, family, acquaintances , strangers – that you have always seen the importance in what I do. Thank you.

And of course – now you’ll see even more from photoshoots, work, videos – more of what I want to show you guys and I’ll be even more creative. There’s so much to come!

I’m so happy and I feel so free after making this decision. I need to focus on more important and bigger things now. I know what’s right now and I don’t hesitate for a second.

I hope you can always count on me to speak my mind and opinions.

Let’s gooooo!

SM · Thoughts

In The Local Paper – SM

Yesterday I was published in the local paper – I spoke about me being a semifinalist in Miss Norway 2018, but more than that I spoke about Selective Mutism. As i said earlier this year I really want to work harder to make people aware and more open when talking about mental health and also spreading the knowledge. Especially about mental disorders that is “forgotten” or just not known to most people, when it’s so much more common than what you would think if you haven’t heard of it before.

I talked about my personal experience and also how I want to use my voice in this competition to spread awareness. I know there’s a lot of you that started following my website both in America and England after previous posts about Selective Mutism, so I feel it’s important to share when something happens. Every step counts! Keep working hard ❤

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Thoughts

Good Vibes

Creativity, growth, opportunities… Not everyone has the same opinions about Los Angeles – but there’s so much room to work on your goals and dreams if you’re open to new people and opportunities. You need to be sure of what you want, or at least know what direction you want to move towards. If you got that ready, and your ambition – it’s a good start.

People might think that it doesn’t matter where in the world you go and I’ve been asked so many times “Norway is so rich and safe, why would you leave?”. It matters so incredibly much where you spend your time, your months and your years. Never have I been more annoyed and happy with myself then when I moved to London. Annoyed because of how many experiences, opportunities and growth I had denied myself for just staying in my small town. Happy because I finally realised how I want to live my life.

It matters. The culture, the people, the environment, the size, the ethics – the vibes. Strange word to put in right there? Everything I mention above is exactly that to me. The vibes in my hometown? Not too good if you want to do something different, be someone different. The vibes in LA, in London? Different, full of ambition, confidence and hard work.

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