personal · Thoughts

You Can’t Be Brave Without Being Scared

Dan and I went to see this movie the other day “Eight Grade”, it was a good movie – but most of all was the meaning of it, the message and what it could mean to others. There’s certain things that the main character “Kayla” said that I feel resonates with how I felt as I was trying to put Selective Mutism completely behind me. Mostly in my teens when I did talk to others, but found it really difficult. The movie is not about Selective Mutism, and even though the main character finds it difficult to be herself and talk a lot to the people at her school she does not have Selective Mutism, but I know there’s certain things and feelings being explained in that movie that you for sure have felt yourself if you struggle or have struggled with SM, most likely on a different scale – but it’s just a nice thing being able to listen someone speak and explain things in a more childlike way, somehow it becomes more real and honest.

This was said in the movie;

“I’m really like nervous all the time. … It’s like I’m waiting in line for like a roller coaster and that stupid like butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling you get. I get that all the time. And then I never get the feeling after you ride the roller coaster.”

I remember walking around constantly feeling this way. There was never a moment to relax and not think or worry about anything and everything. And it just kept on going like that.

She also talked about confidence.

“A big part of confidence is being brave, and you can’t be brave without being scared”

At the end of the movie she said these words, amongst others like “pretend you have confidence and that will somehow generate real confidence”.

That is something I felt I had to do as I was trying to get rid of my anxiety when I was younger. I believed in myself, always, but I did not have a lot of confidence in doing anything or saying anything when I was around others. So I just started pretending. It sounds so easy, but it feels like the most difficult thing in the world for people struggling with Selective Mutism – pretend you have confidence? How are you supposed to do that when you can’t say a word, right?

Like I said this is what I started doing after I had challenged myself for years with the little things, that I’ve talked about previously – the small steps that matters the most. After getting through it I was able to be myself a bit more, or at least answer and have short conversations. I knew I had to challenge myself on different levels if I wanted to get to where I one day saw myself. I was in my teens at that time. I saw people around me daily do and say things and not even think twice about it, so I started saying to myself I could do it to – I should do it because then one day I might even be like them – just fully be myself and not be one bit concerned or worried about it, because I knew in my heart there really wasn’t any reason to be.

And just remember it’s not always going to be comfortable, nice feelings, a safe environment… In the moment it might feel worth it to stop challenging yourself so you don’t have to face those feelings, face the unsafe and scary – but it’s so important to keep telling yourself this is what makes me grow, makes me better and stronger. Like I always think – people are just people, who cares? We won’t be here for long so just be yourself and enjoy the great things in life, share your opinions and be proud of who you are. Life’s too short. Take on the challenges and don’t be too hard on yourself along the way. You can do anything. You just have to believe it yourself.

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workout

My Best Workout Tips

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  • Find your own thing! Cardio, weights? Intervals, powerwalks, crossfit? I used to only do cardio (mostly because modeling had gone to my head), but now I’ve realised how much I love weight lifting. I also love intervals or running outside to clear my head. It always helps! But it needs to be outside, if not I just find it way too boring.

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  • If you’re feeling super annoyed, angry, frustrated or sad – put on some power music and get to the gym to do your favourite exercises. I always feel like it in some way gives me my strength and power back. I can go back home, take a nice shower, put on some cozy clothes and think new thoughts with a much clearer head.

 

  • Good music or podcasts! Sometimes I want music that makes me give that last push, but somedays I get bored so easily and it can be more of a struggle to go – that’s when I love my podcasts. I usually listen to true crime, and having something interesting to listen to as I make my way to the gym and also do my exercises makes it so much easier on a more slow and unmotivated day.

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  • Try new exercises! Ohhh so many times have I gone into a pattern of just doing the same things over and over… You get so bored. Trying new things is always a good idea, and it can easily make you go more often and generally do more work at the gym. Or outside. I find that if you look up the right pages on Instagram you can get some good, new ideas!

 

  • Consistency. If you want results, you can’t just do some sort of exercise once a week every month. It does take some dedication and discipline. The main thing for working out should be staying healthy, but even with that there’s many of us that keeps on saying “I don’t have time”.  You need to plan. Sometimes it might take an early morning or a late night to just get it done. Or if you don’t want to spend the morning or evening at the gym, it might take you putting your gym clothes in your bag for after work. Or that you get up from that couch one hour earlier instead of laying there with your phone in your hand, just scrolling.

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  • It needs to be healthy. Too healthy can quickly get very unhealthy. I know. And I know a lot of you guys know. If you’re stressing too much about it, if you feel like you’re losing yourself in any way or that you’re just not okay with the whole food, gym, healthy, strong thing – then stop. Stop and talk to someone who will be there for you to listen and help you out. It should be something you do for the health of your body and mind, it should never go the other way ❤ That will never make you happy. It’s so important to not exclude the life you love to live just because you exercise. Pizza, snacks and lazy days are still so important.
Photographs · Thoughts

How Will We Ever Be Happy With Our Bodies?

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the sun and her flowers by rupi kaur 

i reduced my body to aesthetics

forgot the work it did to keep me alive

with every beat and breath

declared it a grand failure for not looking like theirs

searched everywhere for a miracle

foolish enough to not realise

i was already living in one

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Photo: Mila Ritz

Treat your body like you treat someone you love. Someone who loves you back. You should want to take care of it because it takes care of you. Make sure it’s healthy and happy, because that gives you health and happiness.

I’ve been through ups and downs with my body, and at times I’ve treated it very poorly. I went from being happy and healthy to the opposite when I stepped into the modeling industry. You can read more about that story here.

Everyone always seem to blame “society”. Like we don’t realise we’re part of it. Society isn’t “them”, it’s all of us. It’s the comments, the unrealistic goals that’s never real, and the judgement if you ever say you are happy with yourself.

It starts with us. It will always start with us, you and me. Appreciate your body for what it always was supposed to be. A miracle. Amazing in itself, exactly how it is.

You’re here, aren’t you?

personal

I Am Two Extremes

Those two extremes equal me. Who I was, who I have become.

There’s the one extreme that has shined through and the one people now seem to recognise in me. Creativeness, ambition and boldness. The loud one that wants to be seen, that wants to live for her passion and be creative. The one that made me fight.

This side of me has made me do and experience things I never in a million years thought I would. It has made me get out of my darkest time, and keeps on pushing me everyday.

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There’s the other one that took up my entire life as a kid. Selective Mutism. Anxiety. Fear. I never left the memories and feelings behind me, I decided to take it with me and carry it to show others what is possible. To inspire and help. Support and spread awareness. I took charge of it and decided I would keep my fight with me to show you, to remind myself of what I have achieved.

It also made me different. Different forever. In a good way. More emotional, but also better at explaining my feelings. More understanding. Stronger. A fighter.

Even if I didn’t want to speak up about it – I know I would  forever have parts of it with me. In everything I am and will become.

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So this is what I want it to be about. To share with you guys. The two sides. The two extremes. Me.

I hope you want to keep reading, interacting and following. There will be new updates here every Wednesday and Sunday, so stay tuned.

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Photos: Goldsmith Photography

Lots of love,

Marte.

clothing · Outfit · Thoughts

Put The Work In

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Outfit from Boy London… Love the colour and the trousers.

Currently doing my best to make plans happen and goals reached. It can be difficult when there’s so many things you just have to do, even though it takes a lot of you and it’s not what you “really really” want to do or spend your time doing. Priorities! Priorities and planning is so important. And living. Just living and enjoying. Time after time we get our question answered; “Does success, money and power make you happy? Are you happier now that you are where you wanted to be?” No. It’s the moments, the laughs, the people – the living part of it all.

So work your ass off for your dreams, laugh your ass off with your friends, and work your ass in the gym – my best tip 😉

I think you all understand though, it can be difficult at times – but a hard worker with time for family and friends, and a healthy functioning body will always be happiest ❤ Don’t just stick to one thing.

mental health · selective mutism · SM · video

Selective Mutism – My first YouTube video!

So I have finally filmed my first YouTube video about Selective Mutism! In this one I talk about my story, but I did try to make it short and simple – just so you can get to know me a bit better, but the main thing was to reach out to you guys struggling right now… This video is more of an introduction and I would really love it if you could ask me questions or let me know of what you want me to talk more about in the other videos!

I really hope you like it and that you possibly can benefit from my videos, both this one and the next ones! Thank you for watching ❤

Food · personal

Let’s Talk About Food

When you’re young it’s easy to not consider the importance of taking care of your body and the consequences it might bring you later if you don’t. Choosing good, healthy, and sustainable food has multiple benefits. It benefits you. It benefits the animals. It benefits the environment. Our planet.

As a 17 year old, I got the opportunity to travel as a model. Before traveled, I got “trained” in the modeling industry. My mother agency (your base model agency) that I was with at the time, was telling me what I had to do to be “good enough”. I always knew in the back of my mind that what I was doing to my body was not healthy or good in any way, and my body also tried to let me know – but my ambition and dreams were bigger, and I eventually got very good at convincing myself and everyone around me into thinking that I only did what was necessary, in a “healthy” way. 

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Photo: Susanne Pettersen

The reason why I’m using a lot of quotation marks, is because it later became obvious to me that the food I ate and didn’t eat, left huge marks on me. The way you choose to nurture your body – what food you put on your plate – is the most important choice you make for yourself, and you take that choice every single day.

Now I know that it does not matter if someone is –  older, younger,  more successful or powerful – than you, it does not mean that they know what’s the better choice for you and your health. Listen to your body. Food is the drive for all your thoughts, strength, ambitions – your life and everything it involves. 

Be aware. Be aware of how much or how little you’re giving to your body, be aware of what happens to your body when you choose to give it hot dogs and Coca Cola, and most of all what exactly it is you are allowing your body to use as fuel – what it consists of. 

As a 15 year old I could not get myself to understand the importance of the right nutrition. Looking back I see now that I felt invincible and did not think that any of the choices I made regarding food back then could ever have the power to stay with me forever.

I tried to convince myself and everyone around me. I became good at that. Until it all became too visible. Until my body said stop. 

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Photo: Susanne Pettersen

It will always, eventually, come to a point where the body forces you to stop or you’ll break down – completely. Either it’s too much food, too little, or too toxic… It comes to a point where it’s too late and you can’t just go back and “fix” what you have done to your body. The body that always tries to protect you, fix you and tell you when something is not right. You only get so many chances to listen. 

So what did all of this give me? What happens when a young, healthy and strong body suddenly stops eating after seven in the evening? What did it do to a happy girl full of ambitions, life and dreams when food became her worst enemy? When she chooses to exclude natural carbohydrates like rice and potatoes from her diet because then “I’ll be thin enough”?

It gave me pain. It gave me a lifelong illness, ulcerative colitis. A stomach constantly fighting against something that’s not there in the first place – leaving me with unnecessary pain that will never leave. Making it more important than ever to give my body the right nutrition, and giving me no opportunity to neglect my body any more, because only the best will help me. It gave my mom tears and fear. It gave my friends a distant friend that slowly disappeared. It gave me sadness and emptiness, tears and loneliness. 

It also gave me something else. It gave me a lesson, a tough and lifelong one, but a lesson. It gave me an understanding.

We all have a responsibility. I have a responsibility. 

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Photo: Susanne Pettersen

Bad food and food habits pose a bigger threat to health globally than tobacco, alcohol,  drugs and unsafe sex combined, but while there’s an age limit for alcohol and warnings about death on cigarettes packets – what is there for food? Toxic, unhealthy food? Nothing. There are commercials for it. It’s on kids menus.

There are so many people out there today that have a complex relationship with food – and I used to be one of them. It is difficult, tough and all-consuming. 

I wish I would have been kind to my body. I know for a fact I would have appreciated everything so much more. Everything that gave me real and true happiness. The new countries, the amazing people, every single experience. The things that still give me butterflies looking back at.

I would love to be able to go back in time and have a long conversation with myself, but then again – I am here now, a lot wiser, and with so much more experience. That counts for something. 

Imagine if we all could get rid of those thoughts… Take away all of those “this makes me fat, we have eaten meat since forever, it doesn’t affect me”… Imagine if we could change it into “what is actually good for my body, what will give me the correct nutrition, how can my body function the best way possible”… – And from there knowing that all the positive changes will show on both the inside as well as the outside.

The world isn’t where it should be when it comes to plant-based and sustainable food, but together we could all get further. We are the ones who can make a change. Everything is about what we want, what we are buying, what we need. What if we could ask for the best, not just for us, but for the earth as well?

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Photo: Susanne Pettersen

But how can we make it simple? We constantly have newspapers, bloggers, nutritionists, parents, teachers and even doctors telling us one thing is good one day, then bad the other day.

What is good food? Food that is good for your health, for animals and people in the supply chain – for the planet?

Food journalist for NYT Michael Pollan summarises the science and says that the short answer to what us humans should eat in order to stay maximally healthy is – “Eat (real) food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”

Less is more. Less ingredients, less food additives, less mass produced products that can stay in your cabinet for months without turning bad. And yes, less meat.

More simple, clean and natural foods. Food that grows, that doesn’t come in a box and that has ingredients you know of. Food that can rot. It’s a natural and good sign. Eat more plants, seeds and grains.

When you are stuck with an illness and your only option is to eat what in reality is good for the human body, and not what people necessarily tell you – you start to realise the importance and huge impact it has, which is hard to see when you’re constantly getting pulled in different directions the second anyone talks about the word “healthy”.

The reasons why I have been eating more plant-based food in the past years have been the welfare of the animals and for my own health. I have also had many discussions with my closest people about it, and a lot of them, I surround myself with today,  have gone through a journey of their own and found reasons to choose a more plant-based lifestyle, which makes me very happy now that I know how much the food you eat can affect your health. Through documentaries I have learned how the meat industry affects the environment and our planet. Globally it is one of the largest sources of greenhouse gas emissions, and in developed and emerging countries it is perhaps the leading source of water pollution. It truly needs more attention. Recently is has made an even bigger impression on me, as I now know more about the impact is has on our planet. By meeting Gunhild Stordalen, Executive Chair and Founder of the EAT foundation, I have been inspired to learn, read and educate myself more on the environment side of it all.

Please – love yourself by choosing the right daily fuel. Last, but not least – Don’t forget about our planet!  

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Photo: Susanne Pettersen