Photographs

I Can’t Describe It

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Photos taken back in my hometown by my mom. I miss her ❤

I’m kinda stuck with a feeling of not knowing what I’m doing, not even knowing how I feel about Sydney yet. So far it’s been stressful and less free than what I remember when I first moved to London. I know it’s partly because the circumstances are different, but I also know what situations and moments I need. It’s not always the easiest thing even though you know why and how and all that. You probably don’t know what I’m talking about, but I’ll continue writing anyway.  It ‘s so difficult describing what I’m feeling because I really don’t know just now, I’m not sure.

I’m now 22 and it feels weird to be honest. Well only the number I guess. Saying it and writing it. It just doesn’t feel like me. Your age isn’t you, but it’s still weird. I’ve decided this is going to be the year of realising things. Just realising everything. Kidding. I think you know where I was going. But I do want to figure out things. It’s not very specific, I know, but luckily I know what I mean. It’s difficult though. I just feel like there’s so many parts of me, so many passions and it’s all just a bit too blurry. As long as I try and also remember to challenge myself, then possibly end up failing, but for sure learning, then do it again, and eventually get to where I want. Sounds like a plan? I think so.

Something random: Today was the craziest weather day here in Sydney. It was a thunderstorm and I’ve never experienced anything like it. I believe there were quite a few accidents though, at least one very bad, which is extremely sad. I find it so scary how you can just leave home one morning and then never come back again… It’s very true but so upsetting…

I hope the weather was better where you are, and that you’re all good and safe!

makeup · Photographs

Merry Christmas!

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Merry Christmas everyone! I hope everyone is enjoying the holidays as much as they can. I know Christmas and holidays in general can be sad and lonely for a lot of people, but I hope you still manage to make the best out of it, every little thing counts. Do something for yourself or others to make this time better.

I’m still in Gran Canaria which is nice, even though Christmas didn’t go as expected this year. That’s the thing as well – expectations. Especially for Christmas. Usually it never turns out how you plan it or imagine it in your head, so just do the best you can!

I’m happy to be here with my mom!

modeling

BEFORE AND AFTER PICS – What Did I Look Like When I Was “Perfect” In The Modeling Industry?

So I have told you in videos about my first meeting with the modeling industry, which you can find here if you haven’t seen it yet, and I started thinking… You know, I actually have quite a lot of pictures – why don’t I show you guys before and after?

So lets start… In these pictures I was actually told I was “perfect” and how everyone wanted me in the industry. I had just came from Athens and had recently been at my skinniest, on the pictures I was in Milan and had started to gain a bit of weight but damn I was still struggling a whole bunch looking back at it. Not eating, binge eating, “fixing” it with only drinking juice the day after… All these things coming back to me like HOW did I think it was ok and normal?! It’s almost like I forgot it all until I start really thinking about those times. So here you see a sad girl really struggling inside but still being told she’s “perfect”. Messed up, right?

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This was apparently the “perfect” size for me in the modeling industry… Being skinny like that does NOT make you happier by the way, if you were wondering. It’s all about self love, and when you are told you have to be a certain way and you choose to listen to others and change your body after their words, you have lost yourself and there’s no love left. This was in 2014. If you watch my video there’s my information about how I was struggling, and for how long.

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NOW – STRONG, HAPPY AND CAREFREE ❤

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Then here I am todayyyy! Still doing modeling, still doing what I always wanted – more than ever actuaully. I’m working towards what I want, I love myself and I’m just enjoying food, weights, everything that brings me happiness! I have always had a passion for working out but always felt like I had to restrict what I could do because of modeling, I was wrong! To me I do not want to do high fashion modeling, and modeling is not everything to me, not at all. I have so many things I’m working towards and even bigger goals. I’m not trying to get told how to live my life by an agency that doesn’t understand me, I’m gonna do my own thing and be surrounded by people who respect that. I do weights, get stronger, see results of my hard work while feeling happy about it and it’s actually pretty fucking nice having my booty back, because it has always been there, I just literally starved it away which is so sad. It has obviously grown as my strength has grown as well, which is also pretty cool.

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Feel free to share! And if you have a story to tell or you want to talk or anything feel free to reach out or just leave a comment ❤ Loving yourself is always the most important thing.

poem

Dear Little Marte

Dear little Marte,

I know how you love your little family,

Your Grandpa and your Grandma,

I know you don’t know yet that you will lose them,

I know that you still don’t understand the heartbreak and hurt it will bring you,

I know you don’t understand the things you wished you would have told them,

Not until later,

When your Grandma passes away,

Do you realize how empty it will be,

Coming home,

To a place that will never be home again,

And then having to loose your Grandpa,

Not just once,

But twice he will leave,

First his memories of you and everyone,

Then his words,

Then one day all of him,

It will make you think of life differently,

It will make you question everything that matters,

But it will forever teach you about real love,

Between two people,

Who just couldn’t be alone,

If not together

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Snapshot · Thoughts

Me Just Being Me

So we had a quick little shoot today, and I finished the last part of my workout video for you guys. In between photos there’s always some that doesn’t turn out great or just of me being silly. So here’s some of that while I edit the others!

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Other than that I don’t have that much to say. A terrible thing has happened in Las Vegas and I’ve been reading and updating all day. At the same time I’m stuck thinking about all those other people in war or other areas of the world, where fighting for their lives is all they know and everyday there is so many losing their lives – and there’s so many tragedies that never really affect you because you don’t read about it or you’re just not aware… So I wanna say my thoughts go out to everyone fighting, everyone that has lost someone they love and been affected, and everyone that feels like they have been left out and is all alone. The world is beautiful, but people can be so cruel. I will never understand.

personal · Snapshot

They Surprised Me!

Last night turned out so nice! Dan took me out to eat at this really nice place, then made us go back home even though I really didn’t want to because I wanted to go out (which made me a bit annoyed), but when I got back everyone was here with American flags and everything!😭 Made me so happy! There will be a vlog coming out so you guys get to see as well! 

Today it was Dan’s mom’s turn to get surprised, so we just got back home from the pub and now we’ll make food. Tomorrow I’ll meet some Norwegian friends that’s in London now, so I’m excited! Last days in London are turning out good😍