Photos taken back in my hometown by my mom. I miss her ❤
I’m kinda stuck with a feeling of not knowing what I’m doing, not even knowing how I feel about Sydney yet. So far it’s been stressful and less free than what I remember when I first moved to London. I know it’s partly because the circumstances are different, but I also know what situations and moments I need. It’s not always the easiest thing even though you know why and how and all that. You probably don’t know what I’m talking about, but I’ll continue writing anyway. It ‘s so difficult describing what I’m feeling because I really don’t know just now, I’m not sure.
I’m now 22 and it feels weird to be honest. Well only the number I guess. Saying it and writing it. It just doesn’t feel like me. Your age isn’t you, but it’s still weird. I’ve decided this is going to be the year of realising things. Just realising everything. Kidding. I think you know where I was going. But I do want to figure out things. It’s not very specific, I know, but luckily I know what I mean. It’s difficult though. I just feel like there’s so many parts of me, so many passions and it’s all just a bit too blurry. As long as I try and also remember to challenge myself, then possibly end up failing, but for sure learning, then do it again, and eventually get to where I want. Sounds like a plan? I think so.
Something random: Today was the craziest weather day here in Sydney. It was a thunderstorm and I’ve never experienced anything like it. I believe there were quite a few accidents though, at least one very bad, which is extremely sad. I find it so scary how you can just leave home one morning and then never come back again… It’s very true but so upsetting…
I hope the weather was better where you are, and that you’re all good and safe!
So what’s new?
Currently working our asses off looking for apartments, found the perfect one but didn’t end up getting it, going through job interviews (well one for me so far), and honestly more set than ever on working even harder with my independent work so that I one day soon can do what I love for a living. Also stuck with a cold and I end up sneezing about twenty times every minute. Jet lag is gone though.
If anyone tells you it’s easy moving to the other side of the world they must be lying – or they’re just rich.
I always talk about how much I love traveling, and also how anyone who has a dream to just move somewhere completely new should “just do it” – and I still mean it. I just don’t want you guys to thinks it’s the easiest thing – you can get lucky, but it’s still a lot of work. Especially if it’s not just you. I have a feeling most people think it’s harder to move somewhere completely new and foreign all by yourself, rather than with others, but I feel like it’s the other way around. I think you just have to jump right in regardless, you’ll always figure it out. It truly is worth it.
So yeah – I’m currently tired and happy, and even more excited to get properly settled in, see more of Sydney and just experience life here ❤
Time to get back to work, I’m so ready for this new adventure!
Listened to this podcast the other day and they randomly brought up something that made me think.
So many people today keep talking about social anxiety and depression, and it just seems like we’re all lost in what it really means and how serious it is. Nervousness is actually being mistaken for social anxiety. Sad and tough days, months and times are being seen as depression. Life isn’t supposed to be easy and I don’t think the first thought should be to diagnose yourself. There can (and should be, I think personally) hard times in your life. How did life turn into a bunch of diagnoses? I don’t think it’s difficult to find the answer. Hearing people throw these diagnoses around like it’s nothing can actually make you think that there might be something more to what your feeling, because of course – what you are feeling is important, but it doesn’t mean you have something more affecting you than just life itself.
There’s so many feelings and other sides to life than just happiness, bliss and motivation. Did we somehow forget these last years that nervousness can make your stomach hurt, hands shake and even make you forget everything you just did and say? Did we forget life comes with ups and downs, you can’t just expect one bad day – it’s very possible there will be more, or did we just never realise this until people started being open about depression? And finally we could explain our lack of motivation, not getting up from our beds and the bad year we had? We’re so focused on talking about what’s wrong with us and rather than telling other people why we are feeling like that, we talk about the diagnosis that makes us feel like that, but when are we going to realise the focus should be elsewhere? It should be on you and you understanding yourself. If you need to talk to someone you should, if you need a break take it – but feel your feelings and work on you the best you can, you don’t always need a diagnosis for the tough times and the tough situations.
Trust me, I do know that depression and anxiety is very real. I don’t want you to think anything else. I have had low times, but never depression. Anxiety on the other hand, I have experienced throughout my childhood as most of you guys know. It’s not like I judge every person saying they suffer from anxiety because it’s not the same as what I went trough, and I think being open and honest about our struggles is a very positive part of our generation. I still strongly feel like all the labels and diagnoses are too much the center of attention. If we just started being honest about how we feel and where we are in our lives emotionally I think it could change so much for all of us. We could stop questioning if our feelings are not serious enough, or too serious, and just be more open about the struggles we go through as a part of life.
Your feelings, your life and your mental health should be your number one priority – nothing is wrong, too much or too little… Work with yourself, figure our how you can help yourself – and even if that means receiving help and support from others in order to feel better, that’s what you need to do ❤
Photo by Saq Imtiaz and edit by me
Snaps from today. I work with Lava Art and did another look for them today! Always fun and I do really like working and being more creative with makeup, but the best part is when I’ve filmed and taken my pics – then taking off the lashes and everything else before I put moisturiser on a fresh and clean face.
My almost monthly cold (what it feels like) is back and I’m just praying to get better before I got to Berlin this week!! To see my unbiological sisters 😉 It’s so cool how they decided to move there, and I’m so excited to experience Berlin for the first time!
Australia is also coming up… In almost just a month! It’s going to be my new home?! How crazy… Will probably write more about the process and everything that comes with it if you are interested. No job or apartment has been found yet, but I’m getting pretty used to just going with the flow.
A different post, more of a little update – but to be honest I’m sitting here in bed ready to make some green tea and finish editing some videos before I try and get my sleep so I can feel better!! I just wanted to check in and write a little something. I do want to know if you would want me to do a video though, I could do a makeup video showing my favourite look for you guys if interested ❤ Let me know!
Also if you’re a true crime freak like me, start listening to true crime podcasts! So far I’ve listened to Dirty John and Dr. Death that I would recommend! Please let me know if you know any really good ones.
the sun and her flowers by rupi kaur
i reduced my body to aesthetics
forgot the work it did to keep me alive
with every beat and breath
declared it a grand failure for not looking like theirs
searched everywhere for a miracle
foolish enough to not realise
i was already living in one
Photo: Mila Ritz
Treat your body like you treat someone you love. Someone who loves you back. You should want to take care of it because it takes care of you. Make sure it’s healthy and happy, because that gives you health and happiness.
I’ve been through ups and downs with my body, and at times I’ve treated it very poorly. I went from being happy and healthy to the opposite when I stepped into the modeling industry. You can read more about that story here.
Everyone always seem to blame “society”. Like we don’t realise we’re part of it. Society isn’t “them”, it’s all of us. It’s the comments, the unrealistic goals that’s never real, and the judgement if you ever say you are happy with yourself.
It starts with us. It will always start with us, you and me. Appreciate your body for what it always was supposed to be. A miracle. Amazing in itself, exactly how it is.
You’re here, aren’t you?
I still remember when I went to try and get my Visa accepted, for the second time, to go to America. The first time I didn’t get accepted because they didn’t believe I just wanted to go to Los Angeles all alone, to experience and fulfil a dream I had as a little girl. The second time I remember the guy almost got angry at me when I told him about my story and how I want to continue to travel to experience and see the world. “Are you never going to settle down?” “What are you supposed to do for the rest of your life?”. I remember thinking “who are you to make me feel bad about actually doing the one thing I want to do in my life”.
We all have created the expectation of a life over time, “settling down”, and the word “unrealistic”. These rules and ways of life that only exists inside our heads.
I want to live my life exactly how I want to live it. Such simple words and a given really, right? But that’s what my plan is – for as long as I live. That’s what we should do, isn’t it? It’s yours to live.
I want to be free. I want to be with the ones I love so much and so strongly that my heart even hurts a little bit. I want to see and experience everything of this planet that I have time to see. I want to speak up. I want to make the difference I can.
I might not have it all figured out. I might not spend all my young adult life studying to become a lawyer or a doctor. I might be here one day and in another country the next day. I might be a model one day, a waiter one day, and a business owner some day.
I am still educated. I am still hard working. I am still growing each and every day. More than others, less than others. I am just doing my own thing – less or more, more or less – it shouldn’t be compared, we shouldn’t be compared.
We are constantly told how we are all unique and no one is like one another, so let us live a unique life. No matter what that means to you. It’s yours.
you tell me what you dreamt
as your eyes
find myself thinking
do we dream
why do we have a beginning
and an ending
is there a reason for it all
you tell me what you dreamt
as your eyes
and I keep my thoughts
as I laugh
– Marte Fredriksen