mental health

BEFORE & AFTER – Gaining Happiness

Times have changed and I know a lot of people are now wanting to gain muscles instead of just getting skinnier or losing weight, which is how I feel like it used to be. If you, as a girl, were working out you just wanted to get a little bit toned and would much more rather loose weight than gain it. I remember I wouldn’t lift any heavier than like a 5kg weight because I didn’t wanna get muscles that were “too big” . Because I was a girl and it wasn’t pretty. Stupid, right? This was before I developed a serious problem with food, weight and my measurements, but I still had that mindset.

That’s loooong gone now and I love lifting heavy weights. I mostly do legs, that’s no lie, and I guess partly how that started was also a result of the world changing around us and what became more “popular”. Now I feel differently. I do love having more curves, but I most importantly have a genuine passion for working out with weights and getting stronger – it gives me a lot more than what just running on a treadmill does. It’s a little break from all the stress around me, just going to the gym and focusing on me and what I’m doing in that exact moment and only that. Working out has always been some sort of therapy for me, no doubt.

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It’s clear to see the difference on the outside, but the changes on the inside are what matters the most. On the left you see a young girl who had actually GAINED weight after being in Athens and then I had arrived in Milan, still extremely skinny and also sick. My body was craving so much because I had been neglecting it from everything for such a long time that I started buying crazy amounts of junk food, going back to the model apartment, eating it all, then not eating anything the next day except for drinking juice because I felt bad. I remember feeling so ashamed, just thinking how in the world I became “that girl”. Truth is: anyone can. As this was going on I was even helping other models struggling, giving them advice and talking to them about their problems with food and their bodies. It’s crazy how much in denial I was.

I remember that later, after Milan, when I started gaining weight because I actually got a inflammation in my stomach as a result of everything I had done (will have to live with that forever) and had to start a medicine that gave me a lot of water weight, my model agent sent me pictures from my Milan trip saying how perfect I was back then. I mean, how does it not mess you up?

Then on the right – you can see me now. Healthier and happier. Strong and in love with both pizza and green tea.

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I will always have a slim figure, it’s just in my genes and I am not trying to show you guys what anyone should look like, or what a transformation should be. This is just mine. That is not what I am trying to shed light on – no body types, no big or small, no thigh gap this or big butt that. It’s the happiness you give yourself when you decide to just let you be you. The healthy version of you. Wether it’s going to the gym just a little bit more, or going a little bit less. Wether it’s to stop letting yourself not eat what you want because of “carbs”, or if it’s adding more vegetables to your dinner instead of eating noodles every day. It’s all about balance. Too much of anything is never good.

I found change in the people around me as well, I started realising what was important – knowing I could not live my life like this. I met Dan and all I started doing was living in the moment. Food was something to enjoy and love was something you couldn’t define by a body or an image. I realised love is real and it doesn’t judge. So I stopped doing that as well. I decided to give love to the real me and everything that comes with doing so.

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mental health · selective mutism · SM · video

Selective Mutism – My first YouTube video!

So I have finally filmed my first YouTube video about Selective Mutism! In this one I talk about my story, but I did try to make it short and simple – just so you can get to know me a bit better, but the main thing was to reach out to you guys struggling right now… This video is more of an introduction and I would really love it if you could ask me questions or let me know of what you want me to talk more about in the other videos!

I really hope you like it and that you possibly can benefit from my videos, both this one and the next ones! Thank you for watching ❤

selective mutism · SM

Selektiv Mutisme – Foredrag!

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På lørdag var det klart for fagdag for selektiv mutisme – og dagen jeg skulle ha foredrag! Foreningen for selektiv mutisme har vært helt fantastisk, de har virkelig stått på og fått til så mye. Ovenfor ser dere Anne og meg, en av de som driver foreninger og en helt utrolig dame som jeg kom i kontakt med etter å ha delt min egen historie.

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Jeg har ikke hatt en “presentasjon” siden skoletidene, og da var jeg aldri helt kvitt selektiv mutisme – så det var veldig spesielt for meg at det føltes så naturlig på lørdag.

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Det som var helt utrolig for meg var åpenheten, alle historiene, kampene – og følelsen av at vi alle hadde noe til felles. Alle hadde kjent på fortvilelsen og utfordringene, men samtidig tror jeg mange fikk bekreftet hvor mye riktig de gjør. Hvor mye små skritt betyr. Hvor viktig det er at vi alle står sammen og jobber for mer kunnskap, mer støtte og mer håp.

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Jeg tror alle gikk ut dørene litt lettere, sterkere og veldig klare for nye utfordringer. Det er så viktig å ikke føle seg alene, og til tross for at mamma måtte gjennom det, er det så fint at det finnes et slikt fellesskap nå.

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Det er også så utrolig for meg å tenke på hvor mye historien min har å si for så mange. Det tok en stund før jeg bestemte meg for å dele hva jeg har vært i gjennom, og alle følelsene og tankene som kom med det – men jeg er så glad for at jeg gjorde det. Det er så viktig for meg at dere som sliter vet at dere kan komme dere ut av det en dag. Uansett hvor langt nede dere føler dere, hvor umulig alt føles – dere kan ikke gi opp! Det skjer ikke på en dag, men det skjer gradvis – med både dårlige og gode dager, tøffe øyeblikk og vanskelige utfordringer.

En av de som driver foreningen sendte meg også noe veldig fint som jeg vil dele med dere; “Courage doesn’t mean you don’t get afraid. Courage means you don’t let fear stop you.”

Det kommer alltid til å være verdt det ❤

Foreningen vil veldig gjerne ha flere medlemmer – den er fortsatt ganske liten og trenger all støtte, så gjerne meld dere inn her!

// I think it’s important that I share this in English as well, as it’s something so important! The other day I told my story at an event for SM here in Oslo, amongst professionals, teachers, families… I’m just so happy that there’s amazing people working for this, so that we can all meet, share stories and bring hope to others. There’s so much knowledge still in need to get out there to everyone so people can understand, and so that teachers and professionals can give the right help.

I’m so incredibly grateful for all the nice words and messages, I never thought my story would have such a big impact –  I will keep sharing my story and I will always keep fighting for more awareness. 

I also got a very nice message that I wanted to share; “Courage doesn’t mean you don’t get afraid. Courage means you don’t let fear stop you.”

It will always be worth it ❤

personal · Thoughts

Why Didn’t I Talk?

So I know I have had a lot of people come across my blog after this post. My mom posted it in a group on Facebook and showed me all the response which was incredible. Incredible and tough. It was tough to see that there’s so many struggling. I just wanted to let you all know that you can contact me whenever with any questions you have. I’m happy to share more of my experience and how I managed to get better, to answer any questions or just listen.

I’ll share my other platforms here as well if you want to continue and follow my journey or contact me on any of them ❤️

Instagram: @martefre

Facebook: Press here.

Email: fma11824@gmail.com

Youtube: Press here.

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Can’t help but laugh a bit of this pic. Me and the guy that made it so difficult for me to go pursue my dream 🙂

Snapshot · Thoughts

Me Just Being Me

So we had a quick little shoot today, and I finished the last part of my workout video for you guys. In between photos there’s always some that doesn’t turn out great or just of me being silly. So here’s some of that while I edit the others!

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Other than that I don’t have that much to say. A terrible thing has happened in Las Vegas and I’ve been reading and updating all day. At the same time I’m stuck thinking about all those other people in war or other areas of the world, where fighting for their lives is all they know and everyday there is so many losing their lives – and there’s so many tragedies that never really affect you because you don’t read about it or you’re just not aware… So I wanna say my thoughts go out to everyone fighting, everyone that has lost someone they love and been affected, and everyone that feels like they have been left out and is all alone. The world is beautiful, but people can be so cruel. I will never understand.