personal · Thoughts · traveling

First Day of 2019 – Thoughts

I’ll be honest. First day of 2019 and I haven’t ever felt more lost. It’s how it goes though isn’t it? In your twenties you’re a bit lost and then you find yourself? I have always known what I wanted to do next, where I want to go next, why I am where I am and doing what I am doing, but now – I have no idea.

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Photo: Mila Ritz

I am thankful and grateful that I got to share my story last year, and be some kind of support for anyone struggling with Selective Mutism. That I had my first talk about it and that my Mom and I finally got to experience the support from others ourselves, even though I don’t have it anymore it was such an emotional experience. This is my most cherished moment from last year. I will keep working even harder this year!

I moved to Oslo with Dan. Somewhere I never thought I would have enjoyed, but turns out – I did have some amazing months. I also finally got to live closer to my best friend, and even though it didn’t last for long I really appreciated being able to have her so close. I also made some amazing friendships – we didn’t get too much time, but the time we had gave us something to keep for years on and for that I am thankful. I loved being able to be closer to my mom, just a quick flight away and I was home, back to the safest place I know, right next to her ❤ I was also closer to the rest of my family – my brother, dad, aunts, cousins, and my little niece… I went through some tough times and lost my Grandpa, and to be honest it’s still very heartbreaking to think about. If my Oslo time taught my anything it’s that my family means everything to me. We don’t have all the time in the world and I just want to spend the time I’m given with them around me. Everyone’s getting older and I just don’t feel like being so far away all the time. So you could probably ask what the hell I’m doing on the other side of the world? I couldn’t even tell you, but I think my restlessness just had to get me here. And that’s probably the biggest reason for why I’m feeling so lost right now. What am I doing so far away? It’s not like I haven’t done it before, it just feels different this time.

I also tried Miss Norway, which I am thankful for because I figured out I really had something to share – my story with SM meant something so much bigger than I ever thought, but it also just made me experience once again how messed up this world is. Old men convincing girls to pay and give them money to be in a pageant that claims to “be more than just about beauty” because you have to have a “case” to fight for – yet if you got them any money the attention was there, but if you made a difference and worked for something bigger it was ignored. I got to the finale and I decided enough was enough. I wrote a blog post about everything I had experienced, and I do really hope other girls read it and learned something from it.

I also started spending more time in the gym with weights and only grew more and more passionate about it. My body has changed – no doubt about it, but so has my mind, and I’m happier than ever just being me.

Dan and I reached our goal this year as well, or should I say goals. We moved to Oslo, worked hard and saved up money so we could go to Australia. I finally got to see Caitlin again, and like we did in London we got the chance to live together again. This time in the cutest apartment. And now we’re here.

It’s nice here, the scenery is beautiful and the weather is amazing. I even love the thunderstorms.

In terms of work I want to be more creative, but the industry seems a lot different over here. Like always I do have some sort of plan for what I am doing and I am very passionate about it, and to be honest right here in Sydney could be a good place to start.

I just don’t know what it is. I struggle to feel like I should be here, that this is the place for me right now. Then again Australia is big and other places might feel different, and I haven’t seen everything even here in Sydney – I just wish the weird feeling would go away.

I’m young and I’ll figure it out. I’m lucky I’m not here completely alone and I got good people around me – which I am so grateful for.

Just because people are traveling and being somewhere completely different than you, sharing photos and experiencing something else – I really don’t want you to think it’s all perfect! It’s tough, and this time it’s much more tougher than I thought it would be – but nothing is wrong with that. Maybe it isn’t for me, maybe I will end up loving it and things will change, but whatever I figure out I just know I’ll have to listen to my true feelings. I’m still staying here for now, and for the rest of 2019 – let’s see what happens. I am incredible grateful to get another year on this earth. I’ll do my best this year – let’s get to work ❤

 

 

SM · video

Having a Child With Selective Mutism – Video

So a lot of people wanted to know more about my Mom’s feelings, struggles and so on when having me, a daughter, with Selective Mutism. What was it like for her, and what did she go through? I’m sure a lot of you can relate, and I hope this video makes you feel less alone ❤

Please write any questions or requests for any other Selective Mutism videos in the comments, and I will remember until next time! Thank you for watching!

Photographs

In My Great Grandma’s Dress

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Feeling proud to be able to wear this dress ❤ It’s actually 38 years old, and used to be my great grandma’s dress. She loved it so much and even though she’s not here to see me in it, I’m so happy I get to wear it. In these pictures you can see a little bit of my hometown and it’s beauty. It was actually -15 while taking these pictures so I wasn’t very comfortable, but I just had to pretend.

It might not be that much going on here, but I’m so proud to have such a beautiful hometown.

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Here she is in the dress, with my aunt next to her ❤ I wasn’t even born at this time.

traveling

I’m Back With Palm Trees And Sunshine!

My mom and I are currently on an island just outside of Spain, Gran Canaria – and we’ll be celebrating Christmas here this year ❤ It was a really needed girls trip for sure, and I’m so excited to just stay in the heat and relax – just have a proper holiday with my mom. Since I’ve been a little girl we have done this together every year, and we’ll keep doing it! Our tradition.

It’s a little bit sad not to celebrate the new year with Dan, Mathilde and Amy who’s now at home, especially because I’ve just recently been away for so long – but I’m still so thankful I can be here and as long as I have my mom by my side I know I’ll have a great time here. I’ll see them soon.

I’m so happy to be here with my mamma ❤

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modeling · personal · Thoughts

How Long Am I Staying? Where Am I Going Next?

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Thank you so much for all the love after my previous post ❤ It’s amazing, and I hope some of you got inspired and realized how important it is to work on yourself and the love you have for yourself – because if you dont have that you’ll never be happy no matter what you look like.

So in two weeks I will actually be back home in Norway at this time! That’s crazy! I can’t believe my time here is almost up already… I’m so happy about what I’ve made happen with such a short amount of time though, not even two months. And I can’t wait to come back here! I’ve figured out the answer to the question which was part of the reason why I came here – and that was if this is the place I need to be in my life right now – and yeah, looks like this is where I should be.

When I get back I will only be home for about a week, and then I will go to Gran Canaria. My mom and I has this tradition that we always go somewhere together once a year for a girls trip and to spend time together, which we’ll always keep doing ❤ It’s been a while since our last time, so I think it’s gonna be really good.

Right now I’m making the most out of my last weeks here, and then I’m so excited to come home and see Dan who’s back home working right now! Before this the longest we had been apart was actually only two weeks, and that is literally from the second we first met – ever, haha. Crazy!

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Dear Little Marte

Dear little Marte,

I know how you love your little family,

Your Grandpa and your Grandma,

I know you don’t know yet that you will lose them,

I know that you still don’t understand the heartbreak and hurt it will bring you,

I know you don’t understand the things you wished you would have told them,

Not until later,

When your Grandma passes away,

Do you realize how empty it will be,

Coming home,

To a place that will never be home again,

And then having to loose your Grandpa,

Not just once,

But twice he will leave,

First his memories of you and everyone,

Then his words,

Then one day all of him,

It will make you think of life differently,

It will make you question everything that matters,

But it will forever teach you about real love,

Between two people,

Who just couldn’t be alone,

If not together

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Everyday · Food · makeup · Photographs

Tonight In Pictures

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Some photos from today! I had a long conversation with mom, sometimes you need that – especially when you spend a lot of time away from each other and you haven’t talked about the important things as much as you used to just because of other silly things. It’s always important to take care of and value those closest and most dear to you! So important ❤ I’m very happy and grateful I’m so close to my mom, it really means everything to me.

We went out to eat one last time before I leave on Tuesday. I love days like this – being able to take time to get ready, and just have nice things planned.

I’m quite tired right now, but I’m actually gonna have a coffee and then go gym! I’ll probably have it mostly to myself on a Friday evening and I always prefer working out with less people. So lets goooo!