Personlig

HVA SER JEG FRAM TIL?

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  • Å flytte inn i en egen leilighet som IKKE deles med andre! Fra modell leiligheter, kollektiv i London, kollektiv i Oslo og delt leilighet her i Sydney skal det blir så godt å kunne ha noe helt eget. (Ikke helt da, men så nært vi kommer akkurat nå)

 

  • Å se familien min igjen! Dette vet dere allerede, men det blir så bra. Til tross for at jeg har reist en del tidligere har mamma for eksempel alltid kunne besøkt meg, men denne gangen har jeg faktisk vært borte fra alle i et halvt år?! Jeg har også fått en ny tanteunge som jeg ikke har fått sett enda. Jeg har bare ett søsken og det at broren min har blitt far for andre gang er så utrolig stort, og det er så kult å se hvordan han har vokst. Jeg er så stolt!!

 

  • Å kunne reise i Europa igjen! Det høres kanskje litt teit ut nå som jeg har muligheten til å være her i Australia, men det jeg mener er at jeg gleder meg til å kunne dra til andre land rundt om i verden og at det ikke kommer til å være sykt dyrt, spesielt at jeg kan dra til Berlin der Mathilde og Amy bor. Ikke minst å bare kunne reise rundt i Norge, spesielt til broren min og familien.

 

  • Å jobbe mer med sminke! Jeg tenker å muligens prøve å jobbe litt innen sminke når jeg kommer meg tilbake til Norge. Jeg fant ut at jeg virkelig trivdes med det da jeg bodde i London, og fikk meg også en god del erfaring på ganske kort tid! Det hadde vært veldig gøy å kunne gjort mer av det!

 

  • Å nyte den siste tiden her i Australia! Det er liksom som om noe har løsnet og vi trives bedre her nå, og klarer også å sette pris på alt i mye større grad. Det er jo faktisk sykt kult at vi klarte alt vi hadde bestemt oss for. Vi hadde det sykt kult i Oslo og gjorde mye, til og med reiste, men samtidig ble vi bare der i under ett år for å spare opp slik at vi kunne flytte til Australia – akkurat slik som planen var.

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Personlig

NOEN ÆRLIGE TANKER

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  • Jeg tenker mye på når vi skal “hjem”. Vi tenker jo at vi til slutt skal dra tilbake til Oslo, finne oss en leilighet og bli der en stund slik at vi kan ha større muligheter til å besøke familie og oftere dra på reiser. Dan har jo hele familien sin i London, og jeg har min litt spredt rundt i Norge. Samtidig er jeg litt skuffet over oss på en måte, fordi vi ikke har sett i nærheten av så mye som vi burde og ville ha gjort om vi drar hjem så snart. Jeg vil jo oppleve mye mer og dra hjem med enda flere minner, spesielt når man ikke vet når man kan få muligheten til å komme tilbake. Det er også så mye jeg gjerne skulle ha sagt om opplevelsen vår her, men så er det visse ting man bare ikke kan dele for hele verden heller da. Vi kunne liksom ikke ha visst alt dette på forhånd heller, og ingenting er bedre enn å sitte igjen med litt mer lærdom til slutt – uavhengig av hvordan det skjer. Vi får bare vente litt å ta det som det kommer! Vi begge er enige i at vi liker Sydney bedre nå enn det vi gjorde for en stund tilbake.

 

  • Jeg tenker at jeg muligens vil studere litt når jeg kommer hjem til Norge igjen. Det er noe jeg har tenkt en del på i det siste. Jeg har en helt annen tankegang enn det jeg hadde tidligere, og jeg setter mye mer pris på å lære nye ting som jeg kanskje ikke hadde vært så interessert i tidligere.

 

  • Jeg vil farge håret blondt! Altså… Jeg vet at en del av meg alltid kommer til å ha litt lyst å se hvordan jeg ser ut som blond igjen, og jeg føler at dette er den beste tiden å gjøre det på. Det er jo bare hår, så why not?

 

  • Noen ganger tror jeg helt ærlig at det beste er å kutte visse mennesker helt ut av livet ditt, uavhengig om de er familie. Det er ikke alle som er skapt til å være noe annet enn akkurat det mennesket de er, det kommer ingen forandring og det kommer ingen forståelse. Jeg synes uten tvil at det er trist, fordi jeg vet det er mange her i verden som såres og blir skuffet av mennesker man har visse forventninger til “bare fordi” de er familie. Og sånn skulle det jo gjerne vært, at familie oppfører seg som familie fordi “sånn er det”, men det kommer til et punkt der jeg føler at man bare må se den personen slik alle andre ser dem. Bare fordi de har fått tildelt en annen “rolle” i livet ditt betyr ikke det at de ville ha den rollen, at de vil leve opp til hva det betyr, eller at de i det hele tatt selv vet hva det betyr. Du må tenke på hvem som gjør deg godt her i livet, og kutte ut de som bare gir deg negative følelser.

 

  • En del av meg vil flytte tilbake til London!! Jeg begynte jo nesten å hate det helt på slutten, men jeg vet jo nå at det var mest som et resultat av de situasjonene jeg satte meg selv i. Likevel elsker jeg folkene der, mulighetene og generelt livet i byen! Jeg vet jo selv at jeg også ble ganske redd for terror på slutten, men det kan jo skje hvor som helst… Det var bare utrolig intens den perioden da alt skjedde i løpet av veldig kort tid, på steder jeg gikk forbi nesten hver dag. Det negative er at generell lønn er veldig lav der sammenlignet med kosten av å leve der fra dag til dag og alt som kommer med. Hmmm…

 

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Photo: Bethany Victoria

Bildene i denne posten er fra shooten for en uke siden forresten! Deler flere på instagram, så gjerne følg med der hvis dere vil se resten! @martefre

SM · video

Personal Stories & Comments About SM

I thought I would share some of the comments/questions about Selective Mutism that I receive from others struggling or from people knowing someone struggling. I think it’s important just seeing and feeling that you’re not alone and getting that support from others. I often feel very sad and frustrated hearing what people go trough, it’s very tough. At the same time I feel so honoured that you guys want to share this with me and others! I mean, you are so brave. I didn’t talk about my SM when I was younger at all, first of all I didn’t want anyone to know because I didn’t feel normal, and secondly I guess there wasn’t the same opportunities out there – I didn’t see anyone sharing their story and I felt very alone which for sure made it feel even more like something you shouldn’t talk about. But yet here I am receiving messages from 10 and 13 year old’s sharing their story with the rest of the world. So brave and strong!

I’ll share some of the messages/comments that has been written to me on my channels, mostly on my videos, and for the ones that has questions I’ll share my response to those as well!

I don’t have any professional aspect in this with education, but I do have my own life experience and personal story with Selective Mutism and it is from that I am answering questions or giving advice to anyone. I do my best to help in the way I can. 

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My 7 yr old daughter says that the only thought that goes on in her mind while answering a question in school is how will people (teachers and classmates) react as they have never heard her… Can you please tell us how you overcame this aspect of SM…she’s now comfortable talking to strangers , ordering in restaurants etc…but not while talking to people with whom she has not spoken to before for the fear of their reaction…pls give some tips how to overcome these thoughts which stop her…

REPLY:

Thank you so much for your comment. I remember feeling like that, and it’s not easy… For me it was about realising that I need to do it for me, that I deserve to talk and use my words just as much as everyone else. Take one step at a time. Maybe decide together to answer one thing a day, and so on… I think it’s a lot about gaining that confidence in yourself. It’s very very difficult and frustrating because the worst part is the attention, but it’s so important to start thinking that you need to do it for yourself. If people look, they look. You are strong and it will only make you stronger and more secure in yourself… It’s a fight but it’s worth it!

 

Thanks so much for this Marte, it’s really good to see people talking about this now. As a former SM child myself I can completely relate and understand. Especially the pain you feel when questioned as to why you don’t speak, how frustrating and embarrassing it was to be introduced as someone who ‘doesn’t speak’ or shy. And also how talking to strangers is easier as you don’t feel judged. I particularly loved how you talked about the good sides to it. I too feel I read people very well, have more sensitivity to others than most and understand a lot about people through trying to understand myself .The more videos and posts I think people can do the better. Well done for getting to where you are today and thanks again xx

REPLY:

This means so much. I do think it’s important for people struggling right now to know that even though it all seems bad, we do have some very good things come out of it that makes us who we are, and makes us see the world in a pretty understanding, different way that I know other people usually don’t. And we are very strong!

 

I have a friend who has selective mutism and im doing everything I can to help her however its nothing is working and I doubt I have even the slightest chance however I dont care if its the last day of school I refuse to give up on her and im wondering if you had any advice that could be of use

REPLY:

It’s so amazing you want to help. Just be patient and understanding – I think that’s the most important thing. Be normal around her as much as you can, maybe talk about challenges she can do to start taking small steps, and just support her through it the best you can!

 

I’m 13, and I have selective mutism. I only just recently just found out what is was, and iv’e always just though I was weird. I was always known as the “weird kid” the “quiet kid” and iv’e always felt like I wanted to talk, but I couldn’t. All of this prevented me from making new friends and joining clubs. The only person I ever talk to is a friend a met last year, and even though it is usually just whispering and writing stuff down on a paper to him. He’s the only friend iv’e ever had. My parents never understood, and they always ridicule me say i’m weird for not talking, and how it’s embarrassing for them how I don’t talk. This video really help me, and reading the comments and listening to your story really makes me feel not alone.

REPLY:

Thank you so much for sharing your story! You’re such a brave and strong person, I know for a fact when I was your age I couldn’t even share what I was struggling with. I am really happy to hear that you have a friend, and even if it is writing things down on a paper or whispering – it doesn’t matter, you have someone and that’s so important. I’m really sorry that your parents doesn’t understand, it shouldn’t be like that. If you are able to, I think you should show them this video, or even just write them a letter or an email explaining how you feel, and adding some links for information about SM, including this video so they can understand more how you feel. Sometimes that is easier than just saying it, and often it might make them really read and properly receive all the information – hopefully realising they are wrong in the way they put you down, instead of being your support. Parents shouldn’t say those things, no matter what’s going on. You are never alone, and I’m so impressed by your honesty and strength!

 

Here’s more from people sharing their stories:

I’m 17 almost 18 and I currently have selective mutism…no one really knew what it was while I was in public school so I was always just labeled as the shy girl that doesn’t talk, people would always confront me on why I wouldn’t talk but I couldn’t bring myself to tell them so they’d call me weird and ignore me.

 

I had selective mutism until I was 15 years old. I’m now 19 and I can now speak to most people. I still have anxiety while speaking on the phone to strangers and my anxiety stops me from leaving my flat sometimes. But I am so proud of how far I’ve come. You are not alone and you can get through whatever you’re going through. Stay strong Thank you Marte for sharing your story xx 

 

I’m 11 years old I have it too it’s hard and makes blood pressure go up and I get really nervous.

 

I relate to you so much, I’m 21 and have had SM since I was In Kindergarten. It’s been tough. Thank you for explaining the positive side of having SM , because you made me realize the truths on the positive aspects of having SM that I’ve never thought about before.

 

I wish a could give you all a hug! I can’t believe how strong and brave these people are, I truly admire your openness and if I could just give you the perfect advice to get completely rid of Selective Mutism I would… The truth is there’s no easy path and there’s a lot of ups and downs, but it makes you grow – and you learn so much about yourself, life and others along the way. The most important thing is to stay strong and don’t lose hope. Teach yourself to be ok even though you are uncomfortable, it’s something that will always help you out in the long run – putting yourself in situations you might feel uncomfortable feels like the worst possible position when you have SM, but the more you do it the more you learn that it helps, it works. You grow and you’ll be able to overcome more and more as time goes by. Thank you to everyone sharing their stories, and also to anyone watching and learning about SM from my videos because their friend is struggling – you are so amazing!! It’s because of people like you guys we get through it.

I’ll add the two videos I’ve posted so far ❤

personal · Thoughts · traveling

First Day of 2019 – Thoughts

I’ll be honest. First day of 2019 and I haven’t ever felt more lost. It’s how it goes though isn’t it? In your twenties you’re a bit lost and then you find yourself? I have always known what I wanted to do next, where I want to go next, why I am where I am and doing what I am doing, but now – I have no idea.

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Photo: Mila Ritz

I am thankful and grateful that I got to share my story last year, and be some kind of support for anyone struggling with Selective Mutism. That I had my first talk about it and that my Mom and I finally got to experience the support from others ourselves, even though I don’t have it anymore it was such an emotional experience. This is my most cherished moment from last year. I will keep working even harder this year!

I moved to Oslo with Dan. Somewhere I never thought I would have enjoyed, but turns out – I did have some amazing months. I also finally got to live closer to my best friend, and even though it didn’t last for long I really appreciated being able to have her so close. I also made some amazing friendships – we didn’t get too much time, but the time we had gave us something to keep for years on and for that I am thankful. I loved being able to be closer to my mom, just a quick flight away and I was home, back to the safest place I know, right next to her ❤ I was also closer to the rest of my family – my brother, dad, aunts, cousins, and my little niece… I went through some tough times and lost my Grandpa, and to be honest it’s still very heartbreaking to think about. If my Oslo time taught my anything it’s that my family means everything to me. We don’t have all the time in the world and I just want to spend the time I’m given with them around me. Everyone’s getting older and I just don’t feel like being so far away all the time. So you could probably ask what the hell I’m doing on the other side of the world? I couldn’t even tell you, but I think my restlessness just had to get me here. And that’s probably the biggest reason for why I’m feeling so lost right now. What am I doing so far away? It’s not like I haven’t done it before, it just feels different this time.

I also tried Miss Norway, which I am thankful for because I figured out I really had something to share – my story with SM meant something so much bigger than I ever thought, but it also just made me experience once again how messed up this world is. Old men convincing girls to pay and give them money to be in a pageant that claims to “be more than just about beauty” because you have to have a “case” to fight for – yet if you got them any money the attention was there, but if you made a difference and worked for something bigger it was ignored. I got to the finale and I decided enough was enough. I wrote a blog post about everything I had experienced, and I do really hope other girls read it and learned something from it.

I also started spending more time in the gym with weights and only grew more and more passionate about it. My body has changed – no doubt about it, but so has my mind, and I’m happier than ever just being me.

Dan and I reached our goal this year as well, or should I say goals. We moved to Oslo, worked hard and saved up money so we could go to Australia. I finally got to see Caitlin again, and like we did in London we got the chance to live together again. This time in the cutest apartment. And now we’re here.

It’s nice here, the scenery is beautiful and the weather is amazing. I even love the thunderstorms.

In terms of work I want to be more creative, but the industry seems a lot different over here. Like always I do have some sort of plan for what I am doing and I am very passionate about it, and to be honest right here in Sydney could be a good place to start.

I just don’t know what it is. I struggle to feel like I should be here, that this is the place for me right now. Then again Australia is big and other places might feel different, and I haven’t seen everything even here in Sydney – I just wish the weird feeling would go away.

I’m young and I’ll figure it out. I’m lucky I’m not here completely alone and I got good people around me – which I am so grateful for.

Just because people are traveling and being somewhere completely different than you, sharing photos and experiencing something else – I really don’t want you to think it’s all perfect! It’s tough, and this time it’s much more tougher than I thought it would be – but nothing is wrong with that. Maybe it isn’t for me, maybe I will end up loving it and things will change, but whatever I figure out I just know I’ll have to listen to my true feelings. I’m still staying here for now, and for the rest of 2019 – let’s see what happens. I am incredible grateful to get another year on this earth. I’ll do my best this year – let’s get to work ❤

 

 

SM · video

Having a Child With Selective Mutism – Video

So a lot of people wanted to know more about my Mom’s feelings, struggles and so on when having me, a daughter, with Selective Mutism. What was it like for her, and what did she go through? I’m sure a lot of you can relate, and I hope this video makes you feel less alone ❤

Please write any questions or requests for any other Selective Mutism videos in the comments, and I will remember until next time! Thank you for watching!

Photographs

In My Great Grandma’s Dress

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Feeling proud to be able to wear this dress ❤ It’s actually 38 years old, and used to be my great grandma’s dress. She loved it so much and even though she’s not here to see me in it, I’m so happy I get to wear it. In these pictures you can see a little bit of my hometown and it’s beauty. It was actually -15 while taking these pictures so I wasn’t very comfortable, but I just had to pretend.

It might not be that much going on here, but I’m so proud to have such a beautiful hometown.

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Here she is in the dress, with my aunt next to her ❤ I wasn’t even born at this time.

traveling

I’m Back With Palm Trees And Sunshine!

My mom and I are currently on an island just outside of Spain, Gran Canaria – and we’ll be celebrating Christmas here this year ❤ It was a really needed girls trip for sure, and I’m so excited to just stay in the heat and relax – just have a proper holiday with my mom. Since I’ve been a little girl we have done this together every year, and we’ll keep doing it! Our tradition.

It’s a little bit sad not to celebrate the new year with Dan, Mathilde and Amy who’s now at home, especially because I’ve just recently been away for so long – but I’m still so thankful I can be here and as long as I have my mom by my side I know I’ll have a great time here. I’ll see them soon.

I’m so happy to be here with my mamma ❤

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