personal · Thoughts

You Can’t Be Brave Without Being Scared

Dan and I went to see this movie the other day “Eight Grade”, it was a good movie – but most of all was the meaning of it, the message and what it could mean to others. There’s certain things that the main character “Kayla” said that I feel resonates with how I felt as I was trying to put Selective Mutism completely behind me. Mostly in my teens when I did talk to others, but found it really difficult. The movie is not about Selective Mutism, and even though the main character finds it difficult to be herself and talk a lot to the people at her school she does not have Selective Mutism, but I know there’s certain things and feelings being explained in that movie that you for sure have felt yourself if you struggle or have struggled with SM, most likely on a different scale – but it’s just a nice thing being able to listen someone speak and explain things in a more childlike way, somehow it becomes more real and honest.

This was said in the movie;

“I’m really like nervous all the time. … It’s like I’m waiting in line for like a roller coaster and that stupid like butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling you get. I get that all the time. And then I never get the feeling after you ride the roller coaster.”

I remember walking around constantly feeling this way. There was never a moment to relax and not think or worry about anything and everything. And it just kept on going like that.

She also talked about confidence.

“A big part of confidence is being brave, and you can’t be brave without being scared”

At the end of the movie she said these words, amongst others like “pretend you have confidence and that will somehow generate real confidence”.

That is something I felt I had to do as I was trying to get rid of my anxiety when I was younger. I believed in myself, always, but I did not have a lot of confidence in doing anything or saying anything when I was around others. So I just started pretending. It sounds so easy, but it feels like the most difficult thing in the world for people struggling with Selective Mutism – pretend you have confidence? How are you supposed to do that when you can’t say a word, right?

Like I said this is what I started doing after I had challenged myself for years with the little things, that I’ve talked about previously – the small steps that matters the most. After getting through it I was able to be myself a bit more, or at least answer and have short conversations. I knew I had to challenge myself on different levels if I wanted to get to where I one day saw myself. I was in my teens at that time. I saw people around me daily do and say things and not even think twice about it, so I started saying to myself I could do it to – I should do it because then one day I might even be like them – just fully be myself and not be one bit concerned or worried about it, because I knew in my heart there really wasn’t any reason to be.

And just remember it’s not always going to be comfortable, nice feelings, a safe environment… In the moment it might feel worth it to stop challenging yourself so you don’t have to face those feelings, face the unsafe and scary – but it’s so important to keep telling yourself this is what makes me grow, makes me better and stronger. Like I always think – people are just people, who cares? We won’t be here for long so just be yourself and enjoy the great things in life, share your opinions and be proud of who you are. Life’s too short. Take on the challenges and don’t be too hard on yourself along the way. You can do anything. You just have to believe it yourself.

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personal · Thoughts · traveling

First Day of 2019 – Thoughts

I’ll be honest. First day of 2019 and I haven’t ever felt more lost. It’s how it goes though isn’t it? In your twenties you’re a bit lost and then you find yourself? I have always known what I wanted to do next, where I want to go next, why I am where I am and doing what I am doing, but now – I have no idea.

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Photo: Mila Ritz

I am thankful and grateful that I got to share my story last year, and be some kind of support for anyone struggling with Selective Mutism. That I had my first talk about it and that my Mom and I finally got to experience the support from others ourselves, even though I don’t have it anymore it was such an emotional experience. This is my most cherished moment from last year. I will keep working even harder this year!

I moved to Oslo with Dan. Somewhere I never thought I would have enjoyed, but turns out – I did have some amazing months. I also finally got to live closer to my best friend, and even though it didn’t last for long I really appreciated being able to have her so close. I also made some amazing friendships – we didn’t get too much time, but the time we had gave us something to keep for years on and for that I am thankful. I loved being able to be closer to my mom, just a quick flight away and I was home, back to the safest place I know, right next to her ❤ I was also closer to the rest of my family – my brother, dad, aunts, cousins, and my little niece… I went through some tough times and lost my Grandpa, and to be honest it’s still very heartbreaking to think about. If my Oslo time taught my anything it’s that my family means everything to me. We don’t have all the time in the world and I just want to spend the time I’m given with them around me. Everyone’s getting older and I just don’t feel like being so far away all the time. So you could probably ask what the hell I’m doing on the other side of the world? I couldn’t even tell you, but I think my restlessness just had to get me here. And that’s probably the biggest reason for why I’m feeling so lost right now. What am I doing so far away? It’s not like I haven’t done it before, it just feels different this time.

I also tried Miss Norway, which I am thankful for because I figured out I really had something to share – my story with SM meant something so much bigger than I ever thought, but it also just made me experience once again how messed up this world is. Old men convincing girls to pay and give them money to be in a pageant that claims to “be more than just about beauty” because you have to have a “case” to fight for – yet if you got them any money the attention was there, but if you made a difference and worked for something bigger it was ignored. I got to the finale and I decided enough was enough. I wrote a blog post about everything I had experienced, and I do really hope other girls read it and learned something from it.

I also started spending more time in the gym with weights and only grew more and more passionate about it. My body has changed – no doubt about it, but so has my mind, and I’m happier than ever just being me.

Dan and I reached our goal this year as well, or should I say goals. We moved to Oslo, worked hard and saved up money so we could go to Australia. I finally got to see Caitlin again, and like we did in London we got the chance to live together again. This time in the cutest apartment. And now we’re here.

It’s nice here, the scenery is beautiful and the weather is amazing. I even love the thunderstorms.

In terms of work I want to be more creative, but the industry seems a lot different over here. Like always I do have some sort of plan for what I am doing and I am very passionate about it, and to be honest right here in Sydney could be a good place to start.

I just don’t know what it is. I struggle to feel like I should be here, that this is the place for me right now. Then again Australia is big and other places might feel different, and I haven’t seen everything even here in Sydney – I just wish the weird feeling would go away.

I’m young and I’ll figure it out. I’m lucky I’m not here completely alone and I got good people around me – which I am so grateful for.

Just because people are traveling and being somewhere completely different than you, sharing photos and experiencing something else – I really don’t want you to think it’s all perfect! It’s tough, and this time it’s much more tougher than I thought it would be – but nothing is wrong with that. Maybe it isn’t for me, maybe I will end up loving it and things will change, but whatever I figure out I just know I’ll have to listen to my true feelings. I’m still staying here for now, and for the rest of 2019 – let’s see what happens. I am incredible grateful to get another year on this earth. I’ll do my best this year – let’s get to work ❤

 

 

Photographs · Thoughts

How Will We Ever Be Happy With Our Bodies?

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the sun and her flowers by rupi kaur 

i reduced my body to aesthetics

forgot the work it did to keep me alive

with every beat and breath

declared it a grand failure for not looking like theirs

searched everywhere for a miracle

foolish enough to not realise

i was already living in one

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Photo: Mila Ritz

Treat your body like you treat someone you love. Someone who loves you back. You should want to take care of it because it takes care of you. Make sure it’s healthy and happy, because that gives you health and happiness.

I’ve been through ups and downs with my body, and at times I’ve treated it very poorly. I went from being happy and healthy to the opposite when I stepped into the modeling industry. You can read more about that story here.

Everyone always seem to blame “society”. Like we don’t realise we’re part of it. Society isn’t “them”, it’s all of us. It’s the comments, the unrealistic goals that’s never real, and the judgement if you ever say you are happy with yourself.

It starts with us. It will always start with us, you and me. Appreciate your body for what it always was supposed to be. A miracle. Amazing in itself, exactly how it is.

You’re here, aren’t you?

Photographs · Thoughts

98 vibes

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For anyone wanting a cool editing app – download HUJI from app store. Gives your pictures more of an vintage look and I looove it.

Dan and I are currently back in Oslo after being in my hometown for a few days. Other plans for the summer? I want to make more videos for you guys, be more creative and work harder. Trips? Thinking of going to see my brother, dad and little niece very soon, then I’ll go back home to spend some time with my mom as well before August is over. After that I really want to visit Mathilde and Amy who’s moving (!!!) to Berlin and maybe take a quick trip somewhere in Europe for a weekend with Dan. And in between this is a lot of work as well! Haha, believe me. And then when September is over… A new destination might be next up… To live, experience and learn. You’ll know ❤

clothing · Outfit · Thoughts

Put The Work In

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Outfit from Boy London… Love the colour and the trousers.

Currently doing my best to make plans happen and goals reached. It can be difficult when there’s so many things you just have to do, even though it takes a lot of you and it’s not what you “really really” want to do or spend your time doing. Priorities! Priorities and planning is so important. And living. Just living and enjoying. Time after time we get our question answered; “Does success, money and power make you happy? Are you happier now that you are where you wanted to be?” No. It’s the moments, the laughs, the people – the living part of it all.

So work your ass off for your dreams, laugh your ass off with your friends, and work your ass in the gym – my best tip 😉

I think you all understand though, it can be difficult at times – but a hard worker with time for family and friends, and a healthy functioning body will always be happiest ❤ Don’t just stick to one thing.

Thoughts

Two Kids In Love

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two kids

different lives

different worlds

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trying to figure out life

life and love

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we already know love

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do you know it takes work?

do you want to love and be loved?

do you know it means not giving up?

do you know it means loving yourself?

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go your own path

choose the real love

the unconditional love

the self-love

the love that makes you not just fight for someone else

but yourself as well

 

life is unpredictable but I get to wake up next to someone 

I love.

 

Photos: Vilde Bråten @wildust.photo

Food · Thoughts

Vegan Food Heaven – In Oslo?!

Er det en ting jeg har savnet etter at jeg flyttet fra London, så er det gode melkefrie og veganske mattilbud. Det er jo det typiske veganske “kjøttet” og laktosefrie tilbudene, eller merker som Oatly, som egentlig har veldig mye forskjellig, men butikkene holder seg bare til det samme – og det blir ganske lite i lengden.

Derfor blir jeg alltid så glad når jeg ser noen “ukjente” matbutikker og tar som regel alltid sjansen på å gå inn for å se om jeg finner noe nytt.

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På Majorstua fant jeg helt tilfeldig Jacob’s. Jeg vet ikke om det er en populær matbutikk eller om mange allerede vet om den, men jeg har i alle fall aldri fått med meg at den eksisterer.

Jeg gikk på leting etter en hylle med litt forskjellig av veganske og vegetariske tilbud, men det tok ikke så lenge før jeg så massevis av både kjøttfrie alternativer, vegansk iskrem, drikker, oster – det meste egentlig.

Jeg blir helt ærlig som et barn i en lekebutikk når jeg finner så mye bra mat som jeg kan spise (uten melk) og som i tillegg er plantebasert. Jeg tenkte selvfølgelig at jeg måtte tipse dere om det hvis dere bor i Oslo, eller bare kommer hit nå og da.

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Jeg har selvfølgelig ikke prøvd alt sammen, så jeg kan ikke anbefale eller ikke anbefale (med unntak av noen ting), men jeg tenkte å dele noen bilder av alternativer de hadde slik at dere får se om noe frister, også deler jeg mine tanker om de produktene jeg har prøvd.

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Denne har jeg allerede fått prøvd, og sammenlignet med flere andre yoghurter med soya er den mye bedre. Jeg har virkelig savnet noe rask og enkelt som jeg kan ha med granola, men som smaker godt og ikke er havremelk eller soyamelk. Denne anbefales!

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For et fint syn ❤

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Denne er utrolig god! En av mine favoritter så langt.

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Her har dere produkter jeg ikke har prøvd enda, men jeg kjøpte med meg noe av det hjem – så jeg kan oppdatere dere på instagram når jeg har fått testet det ut.

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Enda flere veganske produkter.

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Min favoritt! Jeg elsker soya latte og kaffe generelt, så denne er helt perfekt nå som det er så varmt. Anbefales på det sterkeste!

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Et supert valg hvis du har lyst på sjokomelk. Digger Oatly!

Her har dere altså noen av produktene, og litt om de som jeg allerede har fått testet ut. Positivt overrasket så langt! Det var enda flere produkter selvfølgelig, spesielt veganske alternativ til kjøtt – så hvis du vil ha litt mer vegetariske og veganske tilbud i matveien vil jeg virkelig anbefale å ta turen innom Jacob’s. (Ikke sponset, selv om jeg gjerne skulle ha blitt det).

Gjerne skriv til meg hvis dere vet om noen flere steder som dette rundt om i Oslo. Da blir jeg veldig glad ❤

This post is mostly me showing my Norwegian readers a food store I found the other day in Oslo, with loads of vegan options. I get so happy and excited when I find things like this, especially here in Norway where there’s usually just the same options in every store. That’s also one of the reasons I love to travel – there’s always so many different foods and options. Let me know if you’ve tried any of these products, and also if you know of some really good ones – or if you know of a really cool place to visit where there’s loads of nice, vegan or vegetarian food. I would love to know!