I know how important my previous video turned out to be for a lot of people, so I thought I would make another one and talk a bit more about the struggles you can experience when you’re getting rid of the anxiety, as well as other thoughts. If you have any questions feel free to ask and I’ll be so happy if you leave a comment and subscribe ❤
Times have changed and I know a lot of people are now wanting to gain muscles instead of just getting skinnier or losing weight, which is how I feel like it used to be. If you, as a girl, were working out you just wanted to get a little bit toned and would much more rather loose weight than gain it. I remember I wouldn’t lift any heavier than like a 5kg weight because I didn’t wanna get muscles that were “too big” . Because I was a girl and it wasn’t pretty. Stupid, right? This was before I developed a serious problem with food, weight and my measurements, but I still had that mindset.
That’s loooong gone now and I love lifting heavy weights. I mostly do legs, that’s no lie, and I guess partly how that started was also a result of the world changing around us and what became more “popular”. Now I feel differently. I do love having more curves, but I most importantly have a genuine passion for working out with weights and getting stronger – it gives me a lot more than what just running on a treadmill does. It’s a little break from all the stress around me, just going to the gym and focusing on me and what I’m doing in that exact moment and only that. Working out has always been some sort of therapy for me, no doubt.
It’s clear to see the difference on the outside, but the changes on the inside are what matters the most. On the left you see a young girl who had actually GAINED weight after being in Athens and then I had arrived in Milan, still extremely skinny and also sick. My body was craving so much because I had been neglecting it from everything for such a long time that I started buying crazy amounts of junk food, going back to the model apartment, eating it all, then not eating anything the next day except for drinking juice because I felt bad. I remember feeling so ashamed, just thinking how in the world I became “that girl”. Truth is: anyone can. As this was going on I was even helping other models struggling, giving them advice and talking to them about their problems with food and their bodies. It’s crazy how much in denial I was.
I remember that later, after Milan, when I started gaining weight because I actually got a inflammation in my stomach as a result of everything I had done (will have to live with that forever) and had to start a medicine that gave me a lot of water weight, my model agent sent me pictures from my Milan trip saying how perfect I was back then. I mean, how does it not mess you up?
Then on the right – you can see me now. Healthier and happier. Strong and in love with both pizza and green tea.
I will always have a slim figure, it’s just in my genes and I am not trying to show you guys what anyone should look like, or what a transformation should be. This is just mine. That is not what I am trying to shed light on – no body types, no big or small, no thigh gap this or big butt that. It’s the happiness you give yourself when you decide to just let you be you. The healthy version of you. Wether it’s going to the gym just a little bit more, or going a little bit less. Wether it’s to stop letting yourself not eat what you want because of “carbs”, or if it’s adding more vegetables to your dinner instead of eating noodles every day. It’s all about balance. Too much of anything is never good.
I found change in the people around me as well, I started realising what was important – knowing I could not live my life like this. I met Dan and all I started doing was living in the moment. Food was something to enjoy and love was something you couldn’t define by a body or an image. I realised love is real and it doesn’t judge. So I stopped doing that as well. I decided to give love to the real me and everything that comes with doing so.
Listened to this podcast the other day and they randomly brought up something that made me think.
So many people today keep talking about social anxiety and depression, and it just seems like we’re all lost in what it really means and how serious it is. Nervousness is actually being mistaken for social anxiety. Sad and tough days, months and times are being seen as depression. Life isn’t supposed to be easy and I don’t think the first thought should be to diagnose yourself. There can (and should be, I think personally) hard times in your life. How did life turn into a bunch of diagnoses? I don’t think it’s difficult to find the answer. Hearing people throw these diagnoses around like it’s nothing can actually make you think that there might be something more to what your feeling, because of course – what you are feeling is important, but it doesn’t mean you have something more affecting you than just life itself.
There’s so many feelings and other sides to life than just happiness, bliss and motivation. Did we somehow forget these last years that nervousness can make your stomach hurt, hands shake and even make you forget everything you just did and say? Did we forget life comes with ups and downs, you can’t just expect one bad day – it’s very possible there will be more, or did we just never realise this until people started being open about depression? And finally we could explain our lack of motivation, not getting up from our beds and the bad year we had? We’re so focused on talking about what’s wrong with us and rather than telling other people why we are feeling like that, we talk about the diagnosis that makes us feel like that, but when are we going to realise the focus should be elsewhere? It should be on you and you understanding yourself. If you need to talk to someone you should, if you need a break take it – but feel your feelings and work on you the best you can, you don’t always need a diagnosis for the tough times and the tough situations.
Trust me, I do know that depression and anxiety is very real. I don’t want you to think anything else. I have had low times, but never depression. Anxiety on the other hand, I have experienced throughout my childhood as most of you guys know. It’s not like I judge every person saying they suffer from anxiety because it’s not the same as what I went trough, and I think being open and honest about our struggles is a very positive part of our generation. I still strongly feel like all the labels and diagnoses are too much the center of attention. If we just started being honest about how we feel and where we are in our lives emotionally I think it could change so much for all of us. We could stop questioning if our feelings are not serious enough, or too serious, and just be more open about the struggles we go through as a part of life.
Your feelings, your life and your mental health should be your number one priority – nothing is wrong, too much or too little… Work with yourself, figure our how you can help yourself – and even if that means receiving help and support from others in order to feel better, that’s what you need to do ❤
Photo by Saq Imtiaz and edit by me
So I have finally filmed my first YouTube video about Selective Mutism! In this one I talk about my story, but I did try to make it short and simple – just so you can get to know me a bit better, but the main thing was to reach out to you guys struggling right now… This video is more of an introduction and I would really love it if you could ask me questions or let me know of what you want me to talk more about in the other videos!
I really hope you like it and that you possibly can benefit from my videos, both this one and the next ones! Thank you for watching ❤
So after speaking and contacting different people around the world I have figured out the best way to reach a lot of people and spread more knowledge about SM for right now is to make a YouTube video.
I am really doing my best to be able to have talks about it and see people face to face because I think the affect is bigger, just from my own experience. I really want to be able to visit schools and talk with people working with kids, because that’s where the knowledge so desperately needs to be in order to help… But a great way to start is social media. And I also want to be able to inspire others that are struggling right now, and I know I could reach them with videos.
So with that, I want to know if there is anything you want to have answered? Any questions you have? My first video will mostly be about my own story and how it feels like growing up with selective mutism and not getting the help I should have gotten from the system and school… Write any questions in the comments, and I will answer them in either this video or the next one!
Gjerne skriv ned spørsmål på norsk også, jeg tar de selvfølgelig med!
I dag hadde jeg mitt første tv intervju angående selektiv mutisme. Jeg er så takknemlig for at jeg får muligheten til å dele min historie, og være til hjelp for andre som sliter akkurat nå. Jeg vil gjøre mitt aller beste for at kunnskap, støtte og hjelp blir spredt. For at kompetansen rundt denne lidelsen øker, og unger slipper å føle seg utrygg i hverdagen. Slik at de kan bli møtt med forståelse, og ikke fortvilelse.
Det var utrolig godt å ha Heidi Omdal ved min side, for en utrolig fin og inspirerende person. Veldig stolt av å kunne være på God Morgen Norge med henne.
Med det håper jeg så mange som mulig vil være en del av foreningen av selektiv mutisme, gjerne trykk her for mer informasjon – så håper jeg vi kan spre enda mer kunnskap og støtte sammen ❤
Har dere noen spørsmål angående gjesteforelesning på skole/universitet gjerne kontakt meg på firstname.lastname@example.org.
Yesterday I had my first tv interview about selective mutism. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to share my story and spread knowledge. I want to do my absolute best to help and make sure people struggling with this anxiety disorder right now will not feel alone. I want the school system and the support system to understand it. I want people to keep finding out, researching and doing their best to improve where they can so that no kid or parent has to be left alone and left out like my mom and I.
Any questions regarding selective mutism and my story please contact me by email; email@example.com.
Skal du det, så håper jeg du tar deg tid. Tid til å forstå, hjelpe og støtte. Jeg håper du er villig til å ta til deg ny lærdom. Lærdom om de som plutselig en dag kan sitte foran deg bak en pult, på en lekeplass eller når de en dag kommer til ditt kontor for hjelp… Dere er med på å skape en barndom med inntrykk og utfordringer – en følelse av håp eller av nederlag.
Alle kan alltid gjøre litt – og jeg vil være med på å skape mer forståelse. Mer forståelse bak den stille jenta, eller han som ikke prater. En angst lidelse som ikke har fått den oppmerksomheten den trenger. Ikke en gang når den er der, så klart og tydelig, foran så mange mennesker.
Hvis du skal jobbe med barn og unge, eller gjør det allerede – vil jeg veldig gjerne komme til din arbeidsplass og dele min historie. Jeg vil prate om mental helse og selektiv mutisme. Jeg vil sette mer lys på den stille og rolige ungen som prøver å gjøre seg usynlig, fordi de trenger like mye hjelp og støtte som de urolige og høylytte.
Jeg vil veldig gjerne høre fra deg/dere, så har dere noen spørsmål eller vil at jeg skal komme til dere for å holde gjesteforelesning – send mail til firstname.lastname@example.org.
Håper å høre fra dere!
Are you going to be working with kids and teenagers, or are you already?
If you’re going to I hope you take the time. Take the time to understand, help and support. I hope you’re willing to learn. Learn about the kid that one day might be sitting in front of you behind a desk, at the playground or coming to your office for help… You are part of creating a childhood consisting of impression and challenges – a feeling of hope or hopelessness.
Everyone can do something – and I want to be a part of creating more understanding. More understanding towards the quiet girl, or the boy who doesn’t speak. An anxiety disorder that still hasn’t been given the attention it needs. Not even the times when it’s right there, so clear, in front of so many people.
If you are going to be working with kids and teenagers, or you’re already doing it – I would love to come to your workplace and share my story. I want to talk about mental health and selective mutism. I want to put the attention towards the calm and quiet one constantly trying to disappear, because they need just as much support and help as the loud and restless ones.
I would love to hear from you, so if you have any questions or if you want me to come to your workplace to speak – please send your email to email@example.com.
I hope to hear from you!