poem

Dear Little Marte

Dear little Marte,

I know how you love your little family,

Your Grandpa and your Grandma,

I know you don’t know yet that you will lose them,

I know that you still don’t understand the heartbreak and hurt it will bring you,

I know you don’t understand the things you wished you would have told them,

Not until later,

When your Grandma passes away,

Do you realize how empty it will be,

Coming home,

To a place that will never be home again,

And then having to loose your Grandpa,

Not just once,

But twice he will leave,

First his memories of you and everyone,

Then his words,

Then one day all of him,

It will make you think of life differently,

It will make you question everything that matters,

But it will forever teach you about real love,

Between two people,

Who just couldn’t be alone,

If not together

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Thoughts · traveling

Most Difficult Thing With Long Distance

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Local time LA: 00.58

My bebe sent me flowers and a teddy for my birthday ❤ Such a nice thing to come home to after being out all day celebrating my birthday.

One of the most annoying and difficult things with long distance is communication, especially when you’re both in different timezones. It is such a big thing for a relationship to work and the most important thing I’ve found out is to talk over the phone or on facetime and not send long messages to each other is you’re discussing something, and that’s for every kind of relationship I think… Boyfriend, girlfriend, family… It’s easier understanding each other and making sure the other part is listening to you. I know it always makes things easier with me and Dan.

I now sleep with the teddy and balloon next to me, haha. Cuuute.

Other than that my birthday weekend is officially over and I’m actually okay with that – too much partying isn’t good for me! It has been fun though, it really has. Best night in LA so far must actually have been last night! Having fun with my roomates, meeting new people, experiencing more of LA. Then ending the night/starting the morning with some food from Rise N Grind. Perfect!

I need sleep now!

Photographs · traveling

My Birthday In Pictures

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Mozzarella and pesto pizza with cauliflower pizza crust!! So amazing.

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Had a perfect day ❤ Relaxing and nice for a 21st, and I ended it in a jacuzzi with wine surrounded by some really amazing girls I’ve met here ❤

I have even more pictures to show later, but here’s from Malibu during the day. The food was so nice and the day was perfect. Tonight we’ll go a bit harder on the partying and celebrating so I’m excited. Hope everyone’s good!

Photographs · Thoughts · traveling

Dinner With My Roommates

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So last night we went to do some promo for the sushi place, Sushiya, that Katie works for and we all had sushi for dinner! Cozy night. Also a little “fun”fact – earlier this day I had been crying. I’m sharing it because I hate when people act so perfect, and I love when they share something random and honest. Now you might also think “ooh I see it she looks different”, but no there’s just no eye makeup… The times you can tell I’ve been crying you can really tell. There’s been times where my eyes have been so swollen you almost couldn’t see them, hehe.

I have a weird thing – sometimes there’s weeks where I don’t like sushi at all and can’t even eat it, while times like this – since I’ve been in LA – I love it. I think it’s the sushi that I buy from the shop that makes me feel sick, when it’s not that fresh.

Can anyone tell how black my eyes look by the way?? My pupils are always so big except for when I’m in sunlight, and I don’t even know why…

Today is going to be a nice Thursday guys! Katie and I are going around Santa Monica and making a day out of it, and maybe I’ll find a cool outfit as well. Because in the evening we’ll be celebrating my birthday and I’ll be turning 21!! Wow. I’ve been thinking I’m actually going to disconnect from all social media on my birthday, on Friday. I want to just be in the moment and appreciate where I am and what I am doing. It’s so easy to say you’re going to do that, but people always bring up their phone, and especially on their birthdays or special occasions – answering and writing texts, when you should be enjoying the moment. I’ll answer everyone either the day before (because of timezones lol) or the day after. I don’t want to spend any time on social media for that day ❤ Maybe I’ll make it a thing for my birthdays.

personal · Photographs · Thoughts · traveling

It’s My Motivation

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Look how pretty! Katie and I went to this really quiet and calm place in LA some time ago and I saw exactly how I would want it to be the day I wanna settle down. A quiet place in a big city next to the beach and ocean… It’s so weird that I came across it and it was just how I wanted it, all of it. I got the weirdest feeling just looking around but I think I really needed it. Motivation.

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I needed to post this today and I needed to look at the pictures again just because they give me something. It’s not easy when you are timezones away and you feel like you’re not being understood in the way you wish you were. Today I feel like no one understands what’s going on right now (yes I am in LA and super lucky!! But there’s more stuff, pressure and stress being built up), so when people bring me even more instead of understanding me and my words I get really drained and end up wasting a lot of time and energy.

I’m working on getting better at not getting so caught up in it and just stop wasting time trying to make people understand what I see or feel, because it’s just something I can’t always expect.

I believe everything always happens for a reason, and things will work out in my life, no matter what direction it leads me there’s always a reason for it.

I’m so lucky and blessed, and there’s so many struggling and trying to make people understand that you can not keep wasting precious time – you need to love, learn, grow and make time for the ones who gives you positivity in life. And most of all you need to take care of yourself.

I’m gonna make the most out of my day now ❤

Thoughts

I Think You Should Read This

 

can’t be life.

sadly, so many people

are setting the bar really low

in terms of their personal lives

working a job they hate

content with struggling

settling for relationships

life for so many is not living at all

and that’s the problem

you get what you allow

watching others live life

instead of living your best life

and they wonder why everyone

is self-medicating

suppressing their pain

pretending to be happy

instead of trying to cultivate

a lifestyle that brings them peace.

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the control.

and that’s how they control you

they make everything appear impossible

they force you to believe

that you’re almost average at best

they force you to forget about your magic

and with this, you forget about your worth

we are more prone to accept a little

or nothing as opposed to have it all

we’re content with small sums

of what will add up to being without value

in our last days of life

our desire to achieve more

has been buried beneath

the ideals set by those

threatened by an above-average ambition

don’t let them control you

don’t let them define

and or set your limitations

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Poems from whiskey words & a showel

modeling · Photographs · photoshoot

Pictures From Camel Photoshoot!

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Photo: Tawny Horton

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Photo: Jerome Satinsky

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Photo: Black Z.E

Makeup @glamby_yessie Edits: me

Here’s three pictures from the camel photoshoot I was doing a little while ago. I love the last one! It’s so cool.

Today I’m gonna figure out some plans for my birthday (on Friday!!) and plan some posts, edit videos, answer some emails… Get a lot of things done and be productive in other words! I was so tired yesterday after going out, lack of sleep and everything so I spent most of it sleeping before going out to get Subway and watch a movie that I almost fell asleep to. I needed that day, but I always feel so much better when I spend my time working and focusing on important things. Stay tuned for a new video! Coming up soon ❤