SM · video

Personal Stories & Comments About SM

I thought I would share some of the comments/questions about Selective Mutism that I receive from others struggling or from people knowing someone struggling. I think it’s important just seeing and feeling that you’re not alone and getting that support from others. I often feel very sad and frustrated hearing what people go trough, it’s very tough. At the same time I feel so honoured that you guys want to share this with me and others! I mean, you are so brave. I didn’t talk about my SM when I was younger at all, first of all I didn’t want anyone to know because I didn’t feel normal, and secondly I guess there wasn’t the same opportunities out there – I didn’t see anyone sharing their story and I felt very alone which for sure made it feel even more like something you shouldn’t talk about. But yet here I am receiving messages from 10 and 13 year old’s sharing their story with the rest of the world. So brave and strong!

I’ll share some of the messages/comments that has been written to me on my channels, mostly on my videos, and for the ones that has questions I’ll share my response to those as well!

I don’t have any professional aspect in this with education, but I do have my own life experience and personal story with Selective Mutism and it is from that I am answering questions or giving advice to anyone. I do my best to help in the way I can. 

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My 7 yr old daughter says that the only thought that goes on in her mind while answering a question in school is how will people (teachers and classmates) react as they have never heard her… Can you please tell us how you overcame this aspect of SM…she’s now comfortable talking to strangers , ordering in restaurants etc…but not while talking to people with whom she has not spoken to before for the fear of their reaction…pls give some tips how to overcome these thoughts which stop her…

REPLY:

Thank you so much for your comment. I remember feeling like that, and it’s not easy… For me it was about realising that I need to do it for me, that I deserve to talk and use my words just as much as everyone else. Take one step at a time. Maybe decide together to answer one thing a day, and so on… I think it’s a lot about gaining that confidence in yourself. It’s very very difficult and frustrating because the worst part is the attention, but it’s so important to start thinking that you need to do it for yourself. If people look, they look. You are strong and it will only make you stronger and more secure in yourself… It’s a fight but it’s worth it!

 

Thanks so much for this Marte, it’s really good to see people talking about this now. As a former SM child myself I can completely relate and understand. Especially the pain you feel when questioned as to why you don’t speak, how frustrating and embarrassing it was to be introduced as someone who ‘doesn’t speak’ or shy. And also how talking to strangers is easier as you don’t feel judged. I particularly loved how you talked about the good sides to it. I too feel I read people very well, have more sensitivity to others than most and understand a lot about people through trying to understand myself .The more videos and posts I think people can do the better. Well done for getting to where you are today and thanks again xx

REPLY:

This means so much. I do think it’s important for people struggling right now to know that even though it all seems bad, we do have some very good things come out of it that makes us who we are, and makes us see the world in a pretty understanding, different way that I know other people usually don’t. And we are very strong!

 

I have a friend who has selective mutism and im doing everything I can to help her however its nothing is working and I doubt I have even the slightest chance however I dont care if its the last day of school I refuse to give up on her and im wondering if you had any advice that could be of use

REPLY:

It’s so amazing you want to help. Just be patient and understanding – I think that’s the most important thing. Be normal around her as much as you can, maybe talk about challenges she can do to start taking small steps, and just support her through it the best you can!

 

I’m 13, and I have selective mutism. I only just recently just found out what is was, and iv’e always just though I was weird. I was always known as the “weird kid” the “quiet kid” and iv’e always felt like I wanted to talk, but I couldn’t. All of this prevented me from making new friends and joining clubs. The only person I ever talk to is a friend a met last year, and even though it is usually just whispering and writing stuff down on a paper to him. He’s the only friend iv’e ever had. My parents never understood, and they always ridicule me say i’m weird for not talking, and how it’s embarrassing for them how I don’t talk. This video really help me, and reading the comments and listening to your story really makes me feel not alone.

REPLY:

Thank you so much for sharing your story! You’re such a brave and strong person, I know for a fact when I was your age I couldn’t even share what I was struggling with. I am really happy to hear that you have a friend, and even if it is writing things down on a paper or whispering – it doesn’t matter, you have someone and that’s so important. I’m really sorry that your parents doesn’t understand, it shouldn’t be like that. If you are able to, I think you should show them this video, or even just write them a letter or an email explaining how you feel, and adding some links for information about SM, including this video so they can understand more how you feel. Sometimes that is easier than just saying it, and often it might make them really read and properly receive all the information – hopefully realising they are wrong in the way they put you down, instead of being your support. Parents shouldn’t say those things, no matter what’s going on. You are never alone, and I’m so impressed by your honesty and strength!

 

Here’s more from people sharing their stories:

I’m 17 almost 18 and I currently have selective mutism…no one really knew what it was while I was in public school so I was always just labeled as the shy girl that doesn’t talk, people would always confront me on why I wouldn’t talk but I couldn’t bring myself to tell them so they’d call me weird and ignore me.

 

I had selective mutism until I was 15 years old. I’m now 19 and I can now speak to most people. I still have anxiety while speaking on the phone to strangers and my anxiety stops me from leaving my flat sometimes. But I am so proud of how far I’ve come. You are not alone and you can get through whatever you’re going through. Stay strong Thank you Marte for sharing your story xx 

 

I’m 11 years old I have it too it’s hard and makes blood pressure go up and I get really nervous.

 

I relate to you so much, I’m 21 and have had SM since I was In Kindergarten. It’s been tough. Thank you for explaining the positive side of having SM , because you made me realize the truths on the positive aspects of having SM that I’ve never thought about before.

 

I wish a could give you all a hug! I can’t believe how strong and brave these people are, I truly admire your openness and if I could just give you the perfect advice to get completely rid of Selective Mutism I would… The truth is there’s no easy path and there’s a lot of ups and downs, but it makes you grow – and you learn so much about yourself, life and others along the way. The most important thing is to stay strong and don’t lose hope. Teach yourself to be ok even though you are uncomfortable, it’s something that will always help you out in the long run – putting yourself in situations you might feel uncomfortable feels like the worst possible position when you have SM, but the more you do it the more you learn that it helps, it works. You grow and you’ll be able to overcome more and more as time goes by. Thank you to everyone sharing their stories, and also to anyone watching and learning about SM from my videos because their friend is struggling – you are so amazing!! It’s because of people like you guys we get through it.

I’ll add the two videos I’ve posted so far ❤

mental health

BEFORE & AFTER – Gaining Happiness

Times have changed and I know a lot of people are now wanting to gain muscles instead of just getting skinnier or losing weight, which is how I feel like it used to be. If you, as a girl, were working out you just wanted to get a little bit toned and would much more rather loose weight than gain it. I remember I wouldn’t lift any heavier than like a 5kg weight because I didn’t wanna get muscles that were “too big” . Because I was a girl and it wasn’t pretty. Stupid, right? This was before I developed a serious problem with food, weight and my measurements, but I still had that mindset.

That’s loooong gone now and I love lifting heavy weights. I mostly do legs, that’s no lie, and I guess partly how that started was also a result of the world changing around us and what became more “popular”. Now I feel differently. I do love having more curves, but I most importantly have a genuine passion for working out with weights and getting stronger – it gives me a lot more than what just running on a treadmill does. It’s a little break from all the stress around me, just going to the gym and focusing on me and what I’m doing in that exact moment and only that. Working out has always been some sort of therapy for me, no doubt.

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It’s clear to see the difference on the outside, but the changes on the inside are what matters the most. On the left you see a young girl who had actually GAINED weight after being in Athens and then I had arrived in Milan, still extremely skinny and also sick. My body was craving so much because I had been neglecting it from everything for such a long time that I started buying crazy amounts of junk food, going back to the model apartment, eating it all, then not eating anything the next day except for drinking juice because I felt bad. I remember feeling so ashamed, just thinking how in the world I became “that girl”. Truth is: anyone can. As this was going on I was even helping other models struggling, giving them advice and talking to them about their problems with food and their bodies. It’s crazy how much in denial I was.

I remember that later, after Milan, when I started gaining weight because I actually got a inflammation in my stomach as a result of everything I had done (will have to live with that forever) and had to start a medicine that gave me a lot of water weight, my model agent sent me pictures from my Milan trip saying how perfect I was back then. I mean, how does it not mess you up?

Then on the right – you can see me now. Healthier and happier. Strong and in love with both pizza and green tea.

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I will always have a slim figure, it’s just in my genes and I am not trying to show you guys what anyone should look like, or what a transformation should be. This is just mine. That is not what I am trying to shed light on – no body types, no big or small, no thigh gap this or big butt that. It’s the happiness you give yourself when you decide to just let you be you. The healthy version of you. Wether it’s going to the gym just a little bit more, or going a little bit less. Wether it’s to stop letting yourself not eat what you want because of “carbs”, or if it’s adding more vegetables to your dinner instead of eating noodles every day. It’s all about balance. Too much of anything is never good.

I found change in the people around me as well, I started realising what was important – knowing I could not live my life like this. I met Dan and all I started doing was living in the moment. Food was something to enjoy and love was something you couldn’t define by a body or an image. I realised love is real and it doesn’t judge. So I stopped doing that as well. I decided to give love to the real me and everything that comes with doing so.

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Thoughts

How Can You Be More Productive?

I thought I would share a few things with you guys that I do to be more productive!

For me it’s really important as I almost always have a list of things I want to get done, and sometimes the laziness just kicks in. But the feeling of knowing I could have done so many things but end up with nothing done and everything left by the end of the day is never a good one. The best feeling however – is when everything important is done and you can just spend the rest of the day doing anything you feel like. If you’re struggling a bit I hope this can help!

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PLANNING.

This is number one. You need to plan! Everything will go so much more smoothly and you won’t be stressed out trying to do a thousand things at the same time, not even knowing where to start or finish.

My best tip would be to bring out your planner (buy one if you don’t have one), and on Sunday’s you spend some time planning your week. Make coffee, tea and put on some music – you don’t need to spend much time on it and it’s a very good feeling when you’re a bit more organised and prepared for the upcoming week.

I would also recommend just going over and writing down what you want to achieve in the upcoming month when it’s the last Sunday of the month. It keeps you motivated!

WAKE UP EARLY.

Sorry to all the people really struggling with waking up early, but it is honestly necessary to be productive. You’re going to work, but still have a lot of other things you want to get done? You’re trying to create something of your own on the side? You’re trying to finish a book or study more? Maybe you just have tons of different chores and tasks to do? Wake up earlier than the rest of the world. You already know what you have to get done for today, you made the plan and now it’s time to do it. Don’t wait until the evening because you’ll be tired and unfocused – you might not even stick through and do any of it. Your brain is more focused in the morning, you’re rested and ready to learn, grow and achieve new things. The tough thing is actually getting out of bed, but when you’re up -make a nice breakfast, coffee or whatever you like, light some candles and put on some music. It always helps! Yes I do love the coffee and music thing… Works for everything.

Just remember: If you’re working a 9-5 but have a dream about running your own business or just doing something else, don’t forget to prioritize your qualities and strength to your own thing before you go on and use the rest of your energy for someone else’s business. Sometimes that means waking up at 5am. 

GIVE YOURSELF A REWARD.

I mean… It always helps, doesn’t it? It’s not healthy for your body or mind to live your life from a list of things you “need” to do. But there are still things you need to do, that’s just how it is. So give yourself the time of day to just do whatever you feel like. Make sure you don’t sit behind a laptop trying to get something done all day until you just need to go to bed. It depends what you are trying to do in life, but let’s just say you always put aside time for yourself and the ones you love. If you have a job or school and then a also other work that you want to get done for yourself and a business or something else, you set a time for when you stop the “work day” completely. Say that at 18.00 those days – you stop. No more work and no more lists. It’s important for your brain to rest, it’s important for you to feel happy and enjoy every day even though you have things to do. It also makes you work more efficiently that day because you know what time you’ll put all the work away. Also remember that not everyday should be a day where you have “things to do”. Keep some days completely off, from everything. It’s healthy ❤

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Thoughts

Watch This on Netflix!

I know the struggle of not knowing what to watch, or even just wondering if the show or movie you’re about to press play on is going to be worth it or a waste of your time. So I thought I could share some of my favourites with you guys!

  • You. Starting off with this one as I feel like most of you guys have already watched it, but if you haven’t you know what to do. For sure some kind of a thriller, and it constantly surprises you – but I feel like even people who don’t normally want to watch thrillers would still enjoy it. There’s some normal teenage drama added to it as well.

 

  • Sex Education. Yessss. I love series like this. It’s for sure more comedy, but also goes into deeper struggles that we all can come across at some stage in our lives, especially as teenagers. Eric is my absolute favourite, he literally makes the series what it is.

 

  • FYRE. Where you really get to see what happened with the Fyre Festival that ended up just being a big fraud. Very interesting to watch. I also feel like you can see how fake the Billy guy is from the very beginning, how he talks and his body language – it all seems so insincere. Anyone else feeling the same??

 

  • The Ted Bundy Tapes. Currently watching this one. I had to as the true crime “fan” I am. It always feels so wrong to say fan? What’s a better word? Anyways, I’ve heard his name but did not know too much. It really is crazy. But the craziest thing is how everyone acts around him, it’s almost like he has this thing of making everyone like him despite everything he has done. Even the freaking judge in the trial, the girls sending him letters and coming to court – just all of it. Like how in the world did he get to act the way he did at court and the judge still basically said admiring words about him?! So, so wrong. And all the other things of course… I don’t want to spoil it for you guys. I recommend watching it, even if it’s just a wakeup call to what kind of people exists. Because it’s not just him and that’s the sad truth – there’s terrible people out there.

 

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So that’s the one’s I can recommend for you guys to definitely spend some time watching! I of course have some bad ones to share with you guys as well. I just really appreciate having some less quality series for while I am editing or anything else that requires my attention, and I just want something simple to have on in the background. I won’t go into big details, I mean – you like random and simple series now and then if you’re painting your nails or tanning or whatever; try these:

Dynasty, Grace and Frankie, The Good Place (this is actually good),  The American Meme, Follow This, Great News, 3 Wives One Husband (yes I did watch it), Love, Friends from College (this is better than most of the other things I wrote down here), and Easy.

I’ll just end it there. I will not take any responsibility for you enjoying any of the ones I just wrote down over here, but I mean, you could try it. If you’re doing something else at the same time at least.

You’re welcome! Tell me if you like any of these, if you’re going to watch them or if you have something I should watch! Thanks ❤

Thoughts

My Top Podcasts (English & Norwegian)

When I was living in Oslo I pretty much realised that podcasts were a thing and my life changed. Not really, but yes kinda.

I had something to look forward to as I was cycling to and from work in the hot summer weather.

I have always been a true crime fan, binging series and documentaries when I have time. It sometimes scares me, but more than anything it’s interesting and just shocking. I feel like it helps you be more aware of what’s going on as well, what potentially could happen and just what some people are capable of.

So the first podcasts I started listening to was of course, true crime podcasts. I also listen to some more “normal” podcasts, which are Norwegian and I will of course share them as well since I know some of you are from Norway.

Top True Crime podcasts:

  1. Dirty John. I finished this one quite some time ago, I know there’s been added a few new episodes but after hearing the whole story I didn’t really listen to the others as it’s just some bonus episodes. It’s very interesting though and I remember I got really into it. I also saw they will be coming out with a movie or series from this story on Netflix now! Will for sure watch that.
  2. Sword and Scale. Some crazy episodes on this one. But all true, which makes it even crazier. I remember I went from a Norwegian true crime podcasts straight to this one and I was just shocked at all the details and realness that came with this one. Real 911 calls and everything. Not for everyone for sure. But if you can handle it I would recommend it.
  3. Casefile. Australian true crime podcast that I actually started when I moved here. Even though it’s Australian the stories are from everywhere. I would compare it to Sword and Scale as you really get to know mostly everything from a case, and it’s just very raw and real. Currently what I am listening to the most out of these ones.

That’s the ones I would recommend from my English podcasts – please let me know if you have any you would recommend! If you are struggling with figuring out which episode you should listen to I would recommend just typing in Google “best episodes Casefile”. Sounds pretty obvious but I only just started doing this and it just makes everything so much easier.

I also listen to some business podcasts, currently I have been listening to My Wife Quit Her Job Podcast and Smart Passive Income. Tim Ferris is also a good one.

Hope you can find something you like! Might be difficult if you’re not a fan of true crime or business podcasts, but I would love if you want to share any of your favourites with me!

Then on to my Norwegian podcasts! Let me just change my language real quick 🙂

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På tide å skrive litt norsk her igjen da. Jeg hører ganske mye på norske podcaster også, og tenkte jeg skulle dele de forskjellige med dere – kanskje dere hører på de allerede, eller kanskje dere kan prøve de ut nå. 

1. Harm & Hegseth. Alt mulig og alltid morsomt. 

2. Jan Thomas og Einar blir venner. Min nye favoritt. Digger at to så forskjellige mennesker kan sitte å prate om alt mulig. Jan Thomas får meg alltid til å le. 

3. Andersen og Jacobsen. To kloke jenter med mye viktig å si, i tillegg til en god dose humor. Alltid et høydepunkt med en ny episode. 

4. Truecrimepodden. Mitt første møte med true crime podcaster. Digget den veldig i begynnelsen (gjør fortsatt det), men har en tendens til å foretrekke de engelske som går mer inn i sakene. Ikke den største fanen av live sendingene på podcast (sikkert utrolig bra å være der), men synes hun som lager podcastene gjør en utrolig bra jobb med research og hele pakka. Sykt kult at hun at klart å fått alt dette til og kan jobbe med det! 

5. En mörk historia – Arbogakvinnan. Dere måååå høre denne! Helt syk historie. Som også er helt sann. Arbogakvinnan er delt opp i 5 episoder og er på svensk, så du må nesten kunne forstå det for å kunne få med deg alt. Jeg fikk vite om denne podcasten gjennom Harm og Hegseth faktisk, med en gang noen anbefaler true crime føler jeg nesten at jeg må teste det ut. 

Hvis dere allerede har hørt noen av disse og har noen meninger, gjerne del! Jeg vil også høre tips om hva dere anbefaler osv hvis dere har noen ❤ Settes stor pris på!

Edit: Jeg glemte selvfølgelig lørdagsrådet!! Alltid et høydepunkt!

Photographs · traveling

Weekend Getaway

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Last weekend Dan and I had a little getaway. For Christmas I wanted to give him an experience rather than a thing, so I rented an Airbnb in Narrabeen, basically right on Narrabeen Beach, as a little weekend getaway. It’s really the best time I’ve had here since we arrived. It was such a calm and nice little town, I loved our cozy apartment and being able to start the day on the balcony looking out to the beach and hearing the waves constantly throughout the days.

It makes me feel kinda silly for choosing to live right in the city of Sydney when I know how much I love the beach life, but for now I just need to focus on making the best out of my opportunities while being here where there is a lot going on.

I wanted to share some of the pictures from our weekend with you guys ❤

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If you follow me on Instagram or Snapchat you probably saw more of our weekend there – if you’re not following already my username is @martefre on both ❤