Photographs · traveling

Weekend Getaway

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Last weekend Dan and I had a little getaway. For Christmas I wanted to give him an experience rather than a thing, so I rented an Airbnb in Narrabeen, basically right on Narrabeen Beach, as a little weekend getaway. It’s really the best time I’ve had here since we arrived. It was such a calm and nice little town, I loved our cozy apartment and being able to start the day on the balcony looking out to the beach and hearing the waves constantly throughout the days.

It makes me feel kinda silly for choosing to live right in the city of Sydney when I know how much I love the beach life, but for now I just need to focus on making the best out of my opportunities while being here where there is a lot going on.

I wanted to share some of the pictures from our weekend with you guys ❤

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If you follow me on Instagram or Snapchat you probably saw more of our weekend there – if you’re not following already my username is @martefre on both ❤

personal · Thoughts

You Can’t Be Brave Without Being Scared

Dan and I went to see this movie the other day “Eight Grade”, it was a good movie – but most of all was the meaning of it, the message and what it could mean to others. There’s certain things that the main character “Kayla” said that I feel resonates with how I felt as I was trying to put Selective Mutism completely behind me. Mostly in my teens when I did talk to others, but found it really difficult. The movie is not about Selective Mutism, and even though the main character finds it difficult to be herself and talk a lot to the people at her school she does not have Selective Mutism, but I know there’s certain things and feelings being explained in that movie that you for sure have felt yourself if you struggle or have struggled with SM, most likely on a different scale – but it’s just a nice thing being able to listen someone speak and explain things in a more childlike way, somehow it becomes more real and honest.

This was said in the movie;

“I’m really like nervous all the time. … It’s like I’m waiting in line for like a roller coaster and that stupid like butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling you get. I get that all the time. And then I never get the feeling after you ride the roller coaster.”

I remember walking around constantly feeling this way. There was never a moment to relax and not think or worry about anything and everything. And it just kept on going like that.

She also talked about confidence.

“A big part of confidence is being brave, and you can’t be brave without being scared”

At the end of the movie she said these words, amongst others like “pretend you have confidence and that will somehow generate real confidence”.

That is something I felt I had to do as I was trying to get rid of my anxiety when I was younger. I believed in myself, always, but I did not have a lot of confidence in doing anything or saying anything when I was around others. So I just started pretending. It sounds so easy, but it feels like the most difficult thing in the world for people struggling with Selective Mutism – pretend you have confidence? How are you supposed to do that when you can’t say a word, right?

Like I said this is what I started doing after I had challenged myself for years with the little things, that I’ve talked about previously – the small steps that matters the most. After getting through it I was able to be myself a bit more, or at least answer and have short conversations. I knew I had to challenge myself on different levels if I wanted to get to where I one day saw myself. I was in my teens at that time. I saw people around me daily do and say things and not even think twice about it, so I started saying to myself I could do it to – I should do it because then one day I might even be like them – just fully be myself and not be one bit concerned or worried about it, because I knew in my heart there really wasn’t any reason to be.

And just remember it’s not always going to be comfortable, nice feelings, a safe environment… In the moment it might feel worth it to stop challenging yourself so you don’t have to face those feelings, face the unsafe and scary – but it’s so important to keep telling yourself this is what makes me grow, makes me better and stronger. Like I always think – people are just people, who cares? We won’t be here for long so just be yourself and enjoy the great things in life, share your opinions and be proud of who you are. Life’s too short. Take on the challenges and don’t be too hard on yourself along the way. You can do anything. You just have to believe it yourself.

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Photographs

Just Me & the Sunrise

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My favourite part of the day will always be the morning. The mornings when I can wake up, fix my coffee and breakfast, sit alone and do my work – work creatively with the things I enjoy like editing, writing and making plans for what I want to shoot or focus on next. Just a nice and peaceful time to take in new ideas and inspiration.

Fresh coffe, low music, notebooks.

My inspiration for 2019. Maybe I would be able to start every day this way by next year.

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personal · Thoughts · traveling

First Day of 2019 – Thoughts

I’ll be honest. First day of 2019 and I haven’t ever felt more lost. It’s how it goes though isn’t it? In your twenties you’re a bit lost and then you find yourself? I have always known what I wanted to do next, where I want to go next, why I am where I am and doing what I am doing, but now – I have no idea.

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Photo: Mila Ritz

I am thankful and grateful that I got to share my story last year, and be some kind of support for anyone struggling with Selective Mutism. That I had my first talk about it and that my Mom and I finally got to experience the support from others ourselves, even though I don’t have it anymore it was such an emotional experience. This is my most cherished moment from last year. I will keep working even harder this year!

I moved to Oslo with Dan. Somewhere I never thought I would have enjoyed, but turns out – I did have some amazing months. I also finally got to live closer to my best friend, and even though it didn’t last for long I really appreciated being able to have her so close. I also made some amazing friendships – we didn’t get too much time, but the time we had gave us something to keep for years on and for that I am thankful. I loved being able to be closer to my mom, just a quick flight away and I was home, back to the safest place I know, right next to her ❤ I was also closer to the rest of my family – my brother, dad, aunts, cousins, and my little niece… I went through some tough times and lost my Grandpa, and to be honest it’s still very heartbreaking to think about. If my Oslo time taught my anything it’s that my family means everything to me. We don’t have all the time in the world and I just want to spend the time I’m given with them around me. Everyone’s getting older and I just don’t feel like being so far away all the time. So you could probably ask what the hell I’m doing on the other side of the world? I couldn’t even tell you, but I think my restlessness just had to get me here. And that’s probably the biggest reason for why I’m feeling so lost right now. What am I doing so far away? It’s not like I haven’t done it before, it just feels different this time.

I also tried Miss Norway, which I am thankful for because I figured out I really had something to share – my story with SM meant something so much bigger than I ever thought, but it also just made me experience once again how messed up this world is. Old men convincing girls to pay and give them money to be in a pageant that claims to “be more than just about beauty” because you have to have a “case” to fight for – yet if you got them any money the attention was there, but if you made a difference and worked for something bigger it was ignored. I got to the finale and I decided enough was enough. I wrote a blog post about everything I had experienced, and I do really hope other girls read it and learned something from it.

I also started spending more time in the gym with weights and only grew more and more passionate about it. My body has changed – no doubt about it, but so has my mind, and I’m happier than ever just being me.

Dan and I reached our goal this year as well, or should I say goals. We moved to Oslo, worked hard and saved up money so we could go to Australia. I finally got to see Caitlin again, and like we did in London we got the chance to live together again. This time in the cutest apartment. And now we’re here.

It’s nice here, the scenery is beautiful and the weather is amazing. I even love the thunderstorms.

In terms of work I want to be more creative, but the industry seems a lot different over here. Like always I do have some sort of plan for what I am doing and I am very passionate about it, and to be honest right here in Sydney could be a good place to start.

I just don’t know what it is. I struggle to feel like I should be here, that this is the place for me right now. Then again Australia is big and other places might feel different, and I haven’t seen everything even here in Sydney – I just wish the weird feeling would go away.

I’m young and I’ll figure it out. I’m lucky I’m not here completely alone and I got good people around me – which I am so grateful for.

Just because people are traveling and being somewhere completely different than you, sharing photos and experiencing something else – I really don’t want you to think it’s all perfect! It’s tough, and this time it’s much more tougher than I thought it would be – but nothing is wrong with that. Maybe it isn’t for me, maybe I will end up loving it and things will change, but whatever I figure out I just know I’ll have to listen to my true feelings. I’m still staying here for now, and for the rest of 2019 – let’s see what happens. I am incredible grateful to get another year on this earth. I’ll do my best this year – let’s get to work ❤

 

 

makeup

Makeup Look – Hazelnut

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One of the newest looks I’ve done for Lava Art with sheer, nutty eyeshadow and nutty nude lip colour. I love looks like this because both brown/bronzed and pink/nude makeup is always my go-to and the looks I prefer on me. I also bought these amazing earrings from work, and I love them sooo much! There was a time I would only wear silver, but I’m starting to love gold style jewelry now. The bright blue top I’m wearing is actually a bikini for H&M in a velvet fabric, not too sure how it will turn out when I use it on the beach, but so far it’s the comfiest bikini I’ve had, and really has the prettiest colour.

The apartment is finally starting to look more like a home, mostly our rooms, but it feels so nice getting closer and closer. It’s something so new to me, having to set up and fix absolutely everything in an apartment, but it’s for sure something you need to experience as an adult and I guess it was about time.  I really do feel like I’ve grown a lot though, it’s just so important to me now having a proper place to come home to. With nice plants, candles and pictures. Until now I’ve always shared my “home” with people I don’t know, which for sure is a life lesson in itself as well, but now I just really need a proper home. Even if it’s not for the longest time. I have also decided I’ll never live in a place with strangers again, I just really feel like I’m completely done with doing that. I’ve done it for six years now so I feel like I’ve experienced it in every way, both the good and the bad.

I’ll show you guys details of our apartment when it’s all done! Stay tuned ❤

selective mutism

Video – Foreningen for Selektiv Mutisme

Jeg skriver oftest bare på engelsk her, men jeg ville veldig gjerne dele en video fra da jeg holdte foredrag tidligere i år og fortalte min historie med selektiv mutisme, og i tillegg fikk møte utrolig mange flotte mennesker. Det var en helt spesiell dag. Selv om jeg ikke sliter med det lengre vil det alltid være en del av livet mitt, og bare det å ikke føle seg alene lengre var så utrolig fint. Det vet jeg at mamma kjente på også. I tillegg var det fantastisk å vite at det jeg har å si kan hjelpe andre. At min historie betyr noe. Da blir alt liksom verdt det.

Jeg må bare si tusen takk til Foreningen for Selektiv Mutisme som faktisk gjorde den dagen mulig, og for alt de gjør alle andre dager. Dere er helt fantastiske.

Håper dere liker videoen ❤

This is a video that was filmed the day I had my talk about selective mutism! It was such a special day, and I’m so grateful that both my mom and I got to experience it. From going through it all alone to meeting so many amazing people supporting each other was amazing. Even though I don’t have selective mutism anymore, it will always be a part of my life. Unfortunately the video is in Norwegian, but I will add my two other videos in English about selective mutism here as well. ❤

Photographs

I Can’t Describe It

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Photos taken back in my hometown by my mom. I miss her ❤

I’m kinda stuck with a feeling of not knowing what I’m doing, not even knowing how I feel about Sydney yet. So far it’s been stressful and less free than what I remember when I first moved to London. I know it’s partly because the circumstances are different, but I also know what situations and moments I need. It’s not always the easiest thing even though you know why and how and all that. You probably don’t know what I’m talking about, but I’ll continue writing anyway.  It ‘s so difficult describing what I’m feeling because I really don’t know just now, I’m not sure.

I’m now 22 and it feels weird to be honest. Well only the number I guess. Saying it and writing it. It just doesn’t feel like me. Your age isn’t you, but it’s still weird. I’ve decided this is going to be the year of realising things. Just realising everything. Kidding. I think you know where I was going. But I do want to figure out things. It’s not very specific, I know, but luckily I know what I mean. It’s difficult though. I just feel like there’s so many parts of me, so many passions and it’s all just a bit too blurry. As long as I try and also remember to challenge myself, then possibly end up failing, but for sure learning, then do it again, and eventually get to where I want. Sounds like a plan? I think so.

Something random: Today was the craziest weather day here in Sydney. It was a thunderstorm and I’ve never experienced anything like it. I believe there were quite a few accidents though, at least one very bad, which is extremely sad. I find it so scary how you can just leave home one morning and then never come back again… It’s very true but so upsetting…

I hope the weather was better where you are, and that you’re all good and safe!